A professor of psychology at Marymount Manhattan College and a licensed mental health counselor, Diana Nash seemed especially well-qualified to care for her mother-in-law, Mina, who suffered from Alzheimer’s. Over the three years that Nash cared for her, most days were fine. But Nash knew she was in trouble the day Mina threw food at her. “I was standing there crying with food all over me, and I thought, ‘I really have to spank her,’” says Diana, who can finally laugh at the situation. “I left the room and realized I was really in bad shape.”

What she did: “I was resentful and on the pity trip,” Nash says. “I wasn’t taking care of myself.” So she started exercising, recruiting a friend to go jogging each morning. And she quit visiting the junk-food machines at work and started choosing salads for lunch instead.

She started tending to her spiritual and emotional needs, too. A self-care workshop helped Nash give herself permission “not to be perfect.” For Lent she gave up multi-tasking, because focusing on one thing at a time helped her reduce stress. A long-time movie buff, she started watching Eddie Murphy films and other comedies, sometimes with Mina. And she kept journals—a “good one” filled with all the things she was grateful for, and a “bad one” for the hard days.

Nash had one more trick up her sleeve—literally. “It’s something Mina taught me years ago,” she says. “When you do a good job, give yourself a little kiss on the wrist and say, ‘You did great!’ It sounds silly, but it really helps!”

What she learned: “It took a few months, but as I got better, Mina did, too,” says Nash. “Her behavior lessened in severity. And when she died, I was in a better place to deal with it.”