Q: My 85-year-old mother constantly ruminates on the same topics: Her apartment's too small, she doesn't have anything nice to wear, we don't visit her often enough. How do I stop the broken record?

A: Who are we to say it's a broken record? Whenever someone is cycling—constantly repeating the same things over and over—the onus is on us to understand what he or she is trying to communicate. The trick is to listen to the language without imposing our own mindset. Something wants to be expressed, and your mother simply may not know how, or it may be asking too much for her to come right out and say it. Instead of trying to "stop the broken record," let her keep talking, and start asking her questions. For example, say, "Tell me more about that." Also, try not to take her literally. When she complains about her cramped apartment, is she really trying to say that she's grieving over the loss of her former home and the independence that went with it? Thinking about what's behind her words may help you listen with more understanding.

-Nader Shabahangi, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist for elders, CEO of AgeSong and Founder of Pacific Institute.

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posted at 10:09:15 AM