Q. Since my husband died six years ago, I've been incredibly lonely. My daughters tell me to get out more, but I don't enjoy the socials at my retirement center, and I've never been one to play cards and games like my neighbors do. What should I do?

A. It's a double whammy. You don't want to impose, and you don't want to appear needy. Yet we all need community. And here's the thing: Your community needs you, too.

That's hard to remember when you've lost your loved one, especially if most of your purpose derived from him. It's as if you have to relearn how to be social. Patterns aren't easy to break, but you can do this.

Start by asking, What would I like? Do I simply want to be in someone else's company? Would I enjoy going to a dance, even if I just watched? Do I want to go shopping? Is there some place I'd like to volunteer? Remember, the world, your community, needs you—your life experience, your knowledge and wisdom. So do not hide. Try to understand what it is you're missing. It's always easier if someone takes that first step with you, so grab one of your daughters and ask her to help.

-Nader Shabahangi, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist for elders, CEO of AgeSong and Founder of Pacific Institute.

Do you have a question for Nader? Write us.

EMAIL PRINT

posted at 02:45:32 AM