Q. My uncle, who is gay, is moving into a nursing home. How an I know he'll be treated well?

A. You're right to be concerned. Gay discrimination happens often in care homes—especially in faith-based centers where the operating religion does not condone homosexuality. It's up to the facility's leaders to make sure personal beliefs don't get in the way of fair treatment.

To see that your uncle will be safe and happy in his new residence, you need to talk openly with the administration. Find out what training programs they have, and request copies of their policies on non-discrimination. Ask, too, if there are other gay residents—if the administrators look puzzled, that's not a good sign.

Once your uncle has moved in, visit him often. Don't be afraid to ask him, the managers, and staff members directly how caregivers and other residents are treating him.

Finally, don't give up. Remember that as a country we still have a ways to go in accepting homosexuality as just another expression of being human. Making sure that your uncle is safe and loved will be a part of this transformation toward love and acceptance.

-Nader Shabahangi, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist for elders, CEO of AgeSong and Founder of Pacific Institute.

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posted at 02:47:07 AM