Q: My daughter and son-in-law say I'm getting too old to drive. I think I drive just fine. How do I tell them to mind their own business?

A: First, let's assume that you really are a safe driver, as plenty of older people are. Second, remind yourself that what your daughter and son-in law are saying comes out of their love and concern for you. Of course, you don't want to be told that you're too old to drive-no one wants to hear that!-but how you react needs to come from the same level of concern for them. You have a right to say, "You can tell me how you feel and why my driving bothers you, but please don't tell me what I can or can't do." Once you've talked about it calmly, you and your loved ones may be able to reach a compromise. For example, you may decide not to drive at night because you don't want them up worrying about you. But again, this has to come out of concern for each other, because we tend to do things for family based on how much we love them-not how much they nag.

-Nader Shabahangi, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist for elders, CEO of AgeSong and Founder of Pacific Institute.

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posted at 10:03:59 AM