ELDR blogs

Irving Fields: Pianist

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:53:26 -0500

Irving Fields got his first break at 16, singing on “Amateur Hour,” the national radio show. He won first prize: $50 — a lot of money in 1932. “When I got back to our apartment in Brooklyn, my whole family was there, and I threw the money up in the air. Fifty one-dollar bills blowing in the air, a thrill for me,” he recalls.

Irving’s older sister Peppy, who had married to a man named Rosenfields and launched a singing career, hired her brother fresh out of high school as her accompanist. “She was a blues singer, shortened her name from Rosenfields to Fields, and became very successful,” Irving recounted. A beautiful woman, she told him, “Look, these guys hanging around the stage are bothering me. I want them to know that you’re my brother and if they get funny with me—”

Irving finished the sentence: “I’ll crack ‘em in the jaw." Grinning, she proposed that they become a brother and sister team: Peppy and Irving Fields, “and that’s how it happened. Later, when I went on my own, I became known as Irving Fields.”

Fields has made his living in show business ever since. After encountering Latin music in the ‘40s as a concert pianist on a cruise ship that docked in Havana and San Juan, “I went crazy, and I brought I back to America,” he recalls. His fusion of popular Yiddish melodies with Latin rhythms (think ("Mazeltov Merengue") inspired waves of imitators.

“Miami Beach Rumba” and “Managua, Nicaragua” were both on the Hit Parade, establishing Fields as a composer, and an arranger, and pianist. Since then he’s performed everywhere from Carnegie Hall with his trio to clubs and hotels around the world. You can hear him now, six nights a week, at Nino’s Tuscany on West 58th Street in Manhattan.

There have been good years and leaner ones. As Fields entered his 80s, he’d occasionally masquerade as his own manager when calling around for the next gig. “They’d say, ‘Irving Fields, Oh, he’s been around a long time, yeah I’ve heard him play. Gee, how old is he?'

'Oh, Mr. Fields, he’s about 65' — 'cause people said I always looked 20 years younger.

‘Oh yeah, really? He’s still around?’ I used to hide my age to get a job because I thought they wouldn’t hire me because I’m in my 80s,'" Fields explains. "They’d think, 'Well he can hardly walk, he can hardly play.' Now that I’m in my 90s I flaunt my age. I tell them how old I am, and I’m proud of it. And I play better than ever and I keep the people happy, and they’re happy with me.”

You can see Irving’s picture, and hear him telling this story, at http://www.sowhenareyougoingtoretire.com/?q=node/35

Ruby and Liberty Equal Serene Sailings

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:27:42 -0500

Between the accommodations, meals, entertainment and activities, a 2-night stay at a resort is expensive. Often costing less than a resort, a 2- to 3-night cruise getaway can offer more value. Everything is inclusive, and aside from the luxury and pampering, there are the stops at island ports.

Last month, because the prices and dates were right, Marty and I indulged in a 2-night “cruise to nowhere” on Ruby Princess, followed by a 7-night Caribbean cruise vacation aboard Carnival Liberty. The 3,070-passenger, 15-deck Ruby Princess sailed round trip from Fort Lauderdale, and it was an ideal, relaxing mini-escape for us.

This ship is a beauty. Our mini-suite included a full bathtub, walk-in closet, sofa and desk, mini-bar and two TVs. Our balcony was the largest we’ve seen on a ship. Boredom is a non-existent word on the ship.

Martin Sandler

Ruby Princess Atrium

Ruby’s piazza-style atrium features small-bite eateries and “street entertainers” – unicyclist, juggler, etc. – in addition to performances by a classical music trio.

Call it “dive-in movies.” This is the Movies Under the Stars outdoor movie theater (a huge LED screen) on the pool deck. Activities? Sure, thanks to trivia games, a 9-hole putting course, five pools, three main dining rooms, myriad cafes, sports court and jogging track, ScholarShip@Sea classes and a spa-inspired, adults-only outdoor relaxation area called The Sanctuary.

Many of the abundant commissioned paintings around the ship reflect scenes of Italy, and the quality of the artwork enhances the ship’s luxurious ambiance. This is a multi-million dollar collection that I think is surpassed only by the artwork I’ve seen on Holland America ships. The collection is only part of what makes Ruby Princess so pretty, but I wish I were as enthralled by the two alternative restaurants on this ship.

We dined the first night at Sabatini’s, which offers seafood specialties, but the service was lacking and the food was so-so. The second night, we dined at Crown Grill, where the food and service were much improved. Compared to other ships, Ruby’s cigar bar is tiny, but very impressive is the Wheelhouse Bar, which becomes an English-style pub on sea days.

Speaking of alternative restaurants, Harry’s, a steakhouse named for jeweler Harry Winston, is one of Carnival Liberty’s best attributes.

Martin Sandler

The Gold Dining Room in the Carnival Liberty

Decorated with lights that represent diamond bracelets and other gems, Harry’s offers top-notch service and fare. We loved the corned beef and pastrami sandwiches at the pool deck’s New York Deli, and savored the lobster and yummy soups served in the gold and silver dining rooms.

As Carnival Liberty took us from Miami to San Juan, St. Thomas and St. Marten, we marveled at perhaps the best production we’ve seen on any ship. Called “Around the World,” it features the Carnival dancers performing dances from all parts of the globe. Between the Can Can, masquerade ball, Flamenco dance, Irish step dance and more, we can’t recall seeing more gorgeous costumes or talented shipboard dancers.

This is only part of why, for us, cruising is the ultimate vacation.

- Roberta Sandler is an award-winning writer/author. Her newest book is A Brief Guide to Florida's Monuments and Memorials, published by University Press of Florida. She and her husband live in Wellington,
FL.

The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:02:58 -0500

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach is the most entertaining -- and, in a madcap way, the most informative -- book I’ve read in years. Filled with the weirdness of both the procedures and findings of sex research, Bonk combines arcane details with amazing facts and research tools (e.g. the “penis-camera).

Regale your friends with anecdotes from this book, and you’ll be the life of the party – as long as the party is filled with open-minded friends who enjoy zany details about sex.

Mary Roach writes in a clever, often hilarious style, which makes her books a pleasure to read, whether she’s writing about cadavers (Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers ), the afterlife (Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife), or, in this case, sex. My copy quickly became spotted with Post-Its as I read, marking passages I simply had to tell you about, but numbering an impossible 45 markers by the time I finished.

Here’s just a small sampling of the facts I learned:

Princess Marie Bonaparte (great-grand-niece of Napoleon) blamed her inability to orgasm during intercourse on the fact that her clitoris was three centimeters away from her vagina. She did her own research in 1924 with a ruler and interviews and discovered that “téléclitoridiennes,” women with more than 2.5 centimeters between clitoris and vagina, were incapable of orgasm during intercourse. So she employed a surgeon to relocate her clitoris. (No, sorry, it didn’t work for her.)

Women don’t like men’s cologne, according to their rate of vaginal blood flow. The scent of men’s cologne actually reduced vaginal blood flow, as did the smell of charcoal-barbecue meat. Oddly, what increased vaginal blood flow the most (by 13%) was a mixture of cucumber and Good’n’ Plenty candy. Hmmm.

[describing one of many sex machine inventions:] “The motor housing is the size of a lunchbox and is raised on one end, like a slide projector. A flesh-colored phallus on a stick slides quietly in and out. The erotic appeal seems limited. It would be like dating a corn dog.”

[describing another sex machine invention, called “Therapeutic Apparatus for Relieving Sexual Frustrations in Women Without Sex Partners”:] “At the base of the penial assembly was a wide, black, wiry cuff of fur-like or hair-like material. For the partnerless woman who wants not only the ultimate climax or orgasm, but also the feeling that she is having sex with a shoe buffer.”

You’ll learn about “uterine upsuck” in pigs and how Danish farmers increased their pigs’ fertility by sexually stimulating their sows to “upsuck” the semen better. Why it rarely worked to use an MRI to study couples having sex. How porn stars make extra money by having their orifices replicated into plaster casts which are then used for sex dolls. And what Mary Roach and her husband did in full view of scientists to further sex research.

Some of the most intriguing diversions are found in the footnotes. Did you know that Victorian gynecologists and urologists wouldn’t look at the nether parts of the women they were examining? Can you guess why men land in emergency rooms when they can’t remove their improvised cock rings? Or the strangest foreign objects that have been removed from rectums? (I can’t decide whether to vote for the frozen pig tail or the spectacles.)

I highly recommend Bonk for your own delight and as gifts for your sex-minded friends this holiday season.

[Read my interview with Mary Roach here.]

Joan Price

Author of
Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (Seal
Press, 2006, http://www.joanprice.com/BetterThanExpected.htm)

Join us --
we're talking about ageless sexuality at http://www.betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com

View Joan
discussing Better Than I Ever Expected at http://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/2008/04/view-joan-price-discussing-better-than.html

Hear Joan's
lively, spicy podcast at http://www.sealpress.com/podcasts.php?play=9781580051521

ARE YOU A PENGUIN OR A PEACOCK?

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 18:08:19 -0500

Or an eagle? Or maybe a swan? Or what about a mockingbird?

BJ Gallagher Hateley and Warren Schmidt have written the fabulous book “A Peacock in the Land of Penguins; a Fable about Creativity and Courage”. It is charming and piercing, funny and poignant; a testimony to the beauty of being different in any organization and the struggle to gain a voice.

Penguins are metaphorically portrayed as corporate styled birds in an icy climate dressed formally and universally in black and white attire at all times. Outsiders are other birds who have different but noble intentions and, despite integration efforts, cannot succeed in the penguins’ insular clan type organization. Ultimately these distinct feathered beings find themselves in a new space that embraces their uniqueness and offers them the freedom to be who they are; explore and invent opportunities, share their wisdom, reflect on possibilities and dream their dreams.

Are you a penguin or a peacock? Do you find it easy and safe to conform to a structured environment or do you fan your beautifully colored feathers wide and strut to a different drummer? Can you really change who you are or do you even want to?

Many large organizations have seemed to clone their staff to maintain internal harmony. The invisible logic is that employee sameness will allow the wheels to turn year after year without the risky diversion of change or implementation of new ideas. But this creates staleness in a competitive climate and hostile game playing to the more industrious person with good ideas and intentions. Eventually creative individuals find their paths but it is not often an easy journey. There are some companies that value special strengths (creative industries and small businesses are more open than their corporate counterparts) and will realize the value of these special birds but many “exotic birds” will find solace in building their own business on their own terms.

It is a credit to large companies that realize the instructional value of this book and teach diversity training and mutual respect among employees. The corporate climate is not friendly to peacocks but then it harbors grudges against outsiders of all types. And yet, it is important for penguins and peacocks to learn, listen and accept differences in one another without molting feathers. It is a life lesson for everyone whether or not they are still in the workplace.

So how did B.J. realize the world of penguins and peacocks? Here's how she explains it in her own words:

I was much like the lead character…colorful and extravagant, noisy and messy, a bird who is difficult to ignore.

I was working at the Los Angeles Times in the late 1980's and early 90's; we held regular meetings of the executive and middle management groups to review circulation figures, assess advertising revenues, and plan new goals. These meetings were always the same: The president with all his vice presidents and directors would sit in the front row in the elegant auditorium, and the publisher began the meeting by introducing each of them. One-by-one they would pop up out of their chairs and turn to face the 200 middle managers in the rows behind them. They all wore dark suits, white shirts, and business ties; they were all about the same height, save one or two tall ones; and all but one were white males (the lone female penguin wore a dark suit and pearls). By all appearances, you would think they all went to the same barber and the same tailor!

One morning I was sitting in one of these meetings, watching these fellows, like so many jack-in-the-boxes popping up, one right after another. “Huh!” I thought to myself, “They all look like penguins.”

Then I looked down at myself. I was wearing my favorite Carole Little dress, a bright and bold floral, mid-calf, a bit flouncy (but very slimming). “What's wrong with this picture?” I asked myself. “I'm like a peacock in the midst of all these penguins!” I shook my head, wondering how this could have happened. How did I end up here? Thus the metaphor was born.

Hope is a Positive Force

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 11:46:49 -0500

Hope is the positive force that propels us forward. With hope, there is an expectation of something we want to happen. We use it everyday; waiting impatiently for a bus to come and hoping it appears in the next minute, caring for a sick friend and hoping that s/he will get better soon, enjoying an indulgence in sweets and hoping to regain will power tomorrow to resume dieting, etc. Mentally we allow ourselves to flex to the possibilities of change. We imagine and create scenarios to fill our needs and desires. Having the mental freedom to conceive and dream of these changes is an integral part of our creative thought processes. We give ourselves permission to dream a little so that we can subconsciously will an event, a person, an experience to change and make a wonderful difference in our lives.

Without hope, we’re relegated to the doldrums of life and open to helplessness, despair and depression.

With hope comes change and with change comes innovation. It is a simple flow chart. America captured this symbolically with the election of Barack Obama as our next President. We voted for “Change we can believe in” because we needed a new rudder to guide us safely through the current economic turbulence and other domestic problems. In support of Obama, the well known POP artist Robert Indiana at age 79, designed the sculpture HOPE as a graphic similar to his famous LOVE artwork (with the letter “O” on a diagonal). But what if Barack did not have hope? What if 2 years ago, with little money or endorsements and minimal support by the polls and pundits, Barack despaired and no longer believed that he could gain enough support of voters to be President? Fortunately his campaign mantra, the power of three affirmative words, “Yes, we can!” resonated
strongly across the nation and across political divides to bring victory. It was based on hope and not fear, on change and not status quo.

Hope is also a survival tool. In 2002, Laurie Johnson
survived a plane crash but lost her husband and young son in the accident. Left with a severely broken leg (femur), Laurie faced a long process of rehabilitation which included multiple surgeries and prolonged use of crutches. With physical and emotional struggles, she hoped that she could get back to her life prior to the accident. Bored with the dismal dull grayness of crutches, she and her sister started to play creatively with change. Their ideas ignited a new business that embraced crutches with fashion and comfort and LemonAid Crutches™ was born. Crutches and arm pads are now available in fun and elegant styles and provide valued comfort as well as visual pleasure.

Hope means replacing the old and choosing something new. It’s an opportunity for the heart and mind to flex
together creatively and be an explorer in an unknown land. It’s a voluntary challenge we pursue when convention no longer makes sense and the new road is like a beautiful untouched path of fresh snow.

Martin Luther King, jr. said:

"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."

This Holiday You Can Be Frugal AND Still Be Generous and Wonderful!

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:23:08 -0500

With the economy in a tailspin, financial worries all around us and the
holidays approaching, how can we continue to give in the same way as
we have in the past? With creative approaches, gift giving can still
feel wonderful and generous. There are many ways to give joy and
kindness to others without feeling impoverished. Remember that it is
your thoughtfulness that is an integral part of gift giving and never
hesitate to use plenty of colorful tissues and ribbons to make your
gift look ultra fabulous!

CRAFTY WAYS: There are boundless opportunities to craft your gifts; some more expensive and time consuming than others. For frugal approaches, try the following:

Create a stack of greeting cards with your favorite rubber stamps and/or embellishments and tie the package with a festive ribbon. No stamps? Cut a potato in half lengthwise, carve it and dip it in paint and you have a stamp!
Sentiments are always strong so making a scrapbook page with personal items, quotes, poetry and photos, will be a sure hit!
Buy an inexpensive picture frame and for your special photo (maybe it’s you, or the recipient or a pet); with extra time you can decorate the
frame by gluing on some extra buttons you have stashed with your
other sewing notions.

RETHINK AND REUSE:

Take another look at disposables that would otherwise be in your
trash; it is likely that you can reuse them to make wonderful gifts.
With scraps of printed cotton and Modge Podge glue, I used a
decoupage technique to cover empty toilet paper rolls. The result?
Elegant napkin ring holders, decorated with fun trimming on one end, are always an attraction at my dinner table with guests!
Found objects can have multiple lives. I rescued a crushed car hubcap from the road to make a fabulous picture frame. The embedded dirt actually gave it a special and wonderful shadow effect.

SATISFYING A SWEET TOOTH:

Everyone loves homemade goodies. If you don’t enjoy baking
cakes or cookies from scratch, try using a mix; there are many
wonderful brands that will produce excellent results even for the
gluten free diet.
Another approach is to buy bags of colorful loose candy and layer
them in an inexpensive glass container with a lid. Tie a pretty bow
on the neck of the jar and it looks great!

SURPRISE BASKETS:

Gather beautiful fruits and make your own gift basket. To
make it extra attractive, place a paper doily in between the fruits
or a large one under each one. Another basket may be a collection of
travel size toiletries which you may have from hotel visits or
cosmetic bonus packs.
Add a special touch in the basket with a washcloth rolled up and tied with a ribbon and even a little miniature toy for fun! There are plenty of ideas that can fill your basket so just think of a theme and fill it up!

GREEN THUMB:

Buying a plant is usually affordable but you can also share a
plant that you have in your home. Fill a new pot with soil and
carefully separate part of your plant and repot it as a gift with a
special ribbon.
Want to get fancy? Take some acrylic paint and paint a pattern on the pot!

RECYCLED GIFTS:

We all have received gifts that we did not want, tried to look the other way
but graciously accepted with a smile and a thank you. These gifts
need to be recycled and given to those people who will enjoy and
appreciate them! Now is the perfect time to look in your closets, on
your shelves and through those storage bins to find gifts to recycle.
If you are scratching your head and not coming up with possible gift
recipients, donate it!
When the material world of gift giving still leaves you in a quandary,
consider ways to give of yourself.

YOUR-OWN-CERTIFICATE:

This is a fabulous way to give a gift of yourself! Print out
certificates for house cleaning, dog walking, car washing,
babysitting or any other service that you can provide that is valued
by the recipient.

VOLUNTEER:

Volunteers are an important part of our society. When you volunteer
and donate your time to an organization, you are giving to people in
need. This is truly a way to honor the spirit of the holidays by
supporting the organization or charity that helps others. If you do
not know who to contact or where to go, try http://www.volunteermatch.org for local opportunities.

We are living in extraordinary times and we are challenged to maintain
our positive sense of self. By giving to others and being remarkable
in our kindness to others, we can flourish and build a better society.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, the poet, has said:

“The greatest gift is a
portion of thyself”

Bill and Ruth Stein: Booksellers

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:18:10 -0500

Ruth Stein inspired this project. She’s my mother-in-law (more or less). She and Bill, her husband of 62 years, are sales reps for a bunch of book publishers. They work four days a week, driving from their apartment-cum-showroom in Manhattan to a split-level in Westchester every weekend. Occasionally, especially after a set of 14-hour days at a trade show, they admit to being pooped. More tiring, though, is fielding the perennial question, “So when are you going to retire?” Over dinner one night Ruth turned to me and said, “Why don’t you write about that?”

In an era when people didn’t get divorced and ladies didn’t work, Ruth’s mother left her husband when their daughter was four and worked full-time as a buyer for classy New York department stores like Henri Bendel and I. Magnin. Ruth’s working life began at 18, directing customers around Saks Fifth Avenue as one of the Saks Sextet. “We sat on the main floor in seersucker dresses and I earned $17 a week,” she recalls with evident pleasure. She and Bill met when she was 5 and he 8, and married upon his return from WWII, where he piloted a B17 bomber and survived being shot down and captured by the Germans.

Ruth’s entrepreneurial bent materialized early on. As a newlywed she invented and sold a card-table cover with a pocket for score pad and pencil. (The Steins remain formidable bridge players.) They had two kids, Bob and Patty, who when were six and three when their mother came down with polio. Once able to get around with crutches and a brace, Ruth got stir-crazy, “so Bill and I had an idea that we could improve the gifts that executives gave out at Christmas time.” She put a collection together and it soon got so big — “we had things like 200 ice buckets delivered to the back door” — that she rented a showroom on the second floor of the Hyde Park Hotel.

Ruth ran the store for ten years, until the rent doubled. She closed up shop. She got depressed. Bill had bypass surgery (a pioneer in 1976). Money grew tight. “There were times when we would actually take the bills and throw them up in the air and see whose landed face up, and we’d pay those,” she recalls. Bought out of an earlier business importing semi-precious stones, Bill had decided to become a sales rep because it required no capital. Panicked if he ran even five minutes late, Ruth declared, “If you’re going to continue doing this, I’m going to do it with you.”

That’s how they first teamed up, beginning with “kerchiefs, corncob pipes, some of the worst stuff you ever saw in your life,” as Ruth puts it. Building on contacts from her gift business, they started repping better stuff, narrowing it down to books in the late ‘80s and selling them to non-bookstore outlets like museums and gift shops — a niche they invented. Landing the Miss Piggy Calendar was their first big break. Then along came Where’s Waldo? Since then they’ve worked for so many publishers, including all the big players, that they’ve lost count and become legends in the industry.

Ruth is a genius salesperson, matching books she knows well with customers whose tastes and needs she really cares about. A steel-trap memory doesn’t hurt, and neither does having Bill managing the accounts in the room next door. The trait of Ruth’s that I most admire is enthusiasm. She’s never met a conversation she doesn’t want to be in on, and she loves her customers and her merchandise. “I get such a kick out of them,” she says, waving at the stacks of books that crowd every surface around her. A little later, “What makes a good day on the job is if I’m working with somebody who is enthusiastic.” Many customers have become friends, part of an ever-expanding social network.

The Steins are fortunate not only to have each other but to collaborate well. “We never, ever sat down and said, ‘You do this and I’ll do that,’” Bill comments. “It just evolved. Ruth became the sales part of the business and I became the backroom part.” It may have cut into their social life (no ladies’ lunches for Ruth), but it’s certainly brought them closer. “In the end, working with Bill has made all the difference,” says his wife. “If I’ve had a lousy day he knows why, and if he’s annoyed, I know it’s because somebody didn’t pay a bill. It’s fun doing it together.”

Not that they agree on everything. Because Bill’s physical mobility is seriously limited by war injuries and knee operations and Ruth’s by post-polio syndrome, they ask customers to come to their showroom. Bill feels they lost the Time/Warner account not long ago because of their age — specifically because the publisher wanted reps who’d make sales calls. “But that had nothing to do with our age,” Ruth counters. “We’ve earned the right to have people come to us. And people like seeing a multitude of publishers in one place instead of being interrupted in their stores 15 times. They can see the actual books, which makes sense, because the books we sell are not returnable.”

Ruth does acknowledge concern about ageism. “I keep thinking that if our publishers knew how old we were, they’d say, ‘My god, what are we doing hiring these people?’ It doesn’t seem to bother them, but it makes me nervous.” Customers, on the other hand, either don’t notice their age or get a kick out of it, and the Steins’ limited mobility isn’t an issue. (This post explains why the Steins see their disabilities as justification for working rather than retiring.)

The Steins aren’t closing up shop any time soon. As physical challenges have come to the fore, financial ones have receded, but the income still comes in handy. “I don’t have to think twice about whether I want to take my family out to dinner, or travel. That does not hurt one bit,” Ruth declares. Work, she says “keeps me out of mischief, keeps me thoughtful, keeps me active. I think we’ve always appreciated the things that we have been able to do.” So please, don’t ask when they’re going to retire. After all, as our standing jokes goes, they’ve got children to support!

About the Author: Ashton Applewhite is a Knight Fellow, a New York Times Fellow, and the author of "Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well," a book about women who initiate divorce. Read more about work and old age on her blog: SoWhenAreYouGoingToRetire.

Discoveries Helping Me Move Through Grief

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:06:32 -0500

Robert died three months ago. Although this post has nothing directly to do with sex, so many of you have sent me compassionate emails that I'd like to share what I wrote to my online grief support group today:

I've been working hard at finding ways to create some semblance of balance and -- dare I say it? -- moments of joy in my life amidst the powerful grief that comes in waves and knocks me to the ground. I'd like to share some things that have worked for me, just in case any of them might be useful to some of you. Feel free to add to the list if you have something to share that has worked for you.

Problem: Out of control crying had reduced me to a crazy, quivering mess and sometimes lasted days without a break, intensified by not being able to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. I felt physically and mentally ill from the ravages of grief.

Solution: Doctor prescribed an antidepressant (for "situational depression" for six months), a sleeping pill, and a counselor. The combination has brought me indescribable relief. I still grieve and sometimes feel like I'm pedaling through peanut butter, but at least the elephant has stopped kicking me in the chest and stomach.

Problem: I knew journaling would help, but my writing fingers felt paralyzed for the first two months -- did I write memories of Robert and talk to him in my journal, or did I write about ways I was trying to move on? The two seemed to cancel each other out.

Solution: I started TWO journals. In one, I write to Robert and remember the special things he/we did and said. In the other, I write about my steps towards creating a new life: making a new friend, insights from counselor and friends, little things that make me happy, if only for a minute. This has worked splendidly -- I write in one journal, then switch to the other.

Problem: Morning ritual was so special. After wonderful snuggling, Robert would say, "I'm going to make you coffee." He would get up, bring me the morning newspaper and coffee in bed. I would share something from the paper that might interest him, and sometimes he would just sit and watch me lovingly as I read, or he would go out to tend his garden. He painted a special bell (he was an artist) for me to ring when I wanted a coffee refill. It was a glorious and loving start to the day, and without him, mornings felt so empty.

Solution: Replace missing ritual with new one. I cancelled the newspaper subscription (don't even miss it). Now I get out of bed, make my coffee the way he used to, but I bring it to my favorite chair that looks out on the yard and I write in my journal while I sip.

Problem: My world was Robert. I did much independently, don't get me wrong, but he was the one with whom I walked , danced, went out to dinner and films, talked about everything.

Solution: I reached out to old friends and made new ones. I thought about people whom I liked and would like to know better. Several had extended invitations to me, but I wasn't ready. I contacted them and made walking dates and coffee or dinner dates. Now I have people I can do things with, and they understand when I get tearful.

Joan Price

http://www.joanprice.com/

Author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (Seal Press, 2006, http://www.joanprice.com/BetterThanExpected.htm )

Join us -- we're talking about ageless sexuality at http://www.betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com

View Joan discussing Better Than I Ever Expected at http://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/2008/04/view-joan-price-discussing-better-than.html

Hear Joan's lively, spicy podcast at http://www.sealpress.com/podcasts.php?play=9781580051521

Introducing At Work At 80+

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:56:29 -0400

I've been writing about people over 80 in the workforce for a year and a half, on a blog called So When Are You Going to Retire. I'm delighted to be introducing some of these remarkable people to Eldr.com readers.

When I conceived of the project, typical responses were, "Isn't that awfully, uh, old?" "Won't it be hard to find people to interview?" "Don't you want to set the cutoff somewhere in the 70's?" No, I didn't. I wanted that lift of the eyebrow. I wanted my subjects to seem old to baby boomers like myself, for whom 70 is no longer such a distant shore. And I bet that it wouldn't be hard to find octogenarians doing all kinds of interesting things.

Not only has that proved to be the case, I've interviewed almost as many people in their 90's, along with a 101-year-old industrial designer with a list of commissions. My criteria are that the employment need not be paid, but it must involve a fixed commitment to a tangible enterprise: doing or making something on a regular schedule.†

My credentials? I have no advanced degrees, but I dig deep and ground my writing in current research. It's a good career for a generalist, and it's taken me lots of interesting places. As a contributing editor to IEEE Spectrum, the magazine of the international engineering association, I've traveled to Laos to cover a village getting internet access via a bicycle-powered computer. As a staff writer at the American Museum of Natural History, I write for educators on topics ranging from evolution to extrasolar planets.

On the basis of Cutting Loose, my book about women and divorce, I was invited to join the Council on Contemporary Families, an organization of distinguished family researchers and clinicians. And in connection with this project, I've received fellowships from the New York Times Foundation and the Knight Center for Specialized Journalism to study longevity-related issues.

My goal is to find out what these octo- and nonagenarians have to teach younger generations about the traits and circumstances that† make for an engaged old age. We know that people who get up in the morning with some sense of purpose live longer and better lives than those who don't. We need support in facing the realities of aging and death—something youth-obsessed Americans are lousy at, despite the wealth of evidence that satisfaction and serenity in late life are grounded in exactly that. We learn best by example, and I hope the profiles in this blog illuminate the path.

† (A cautionary note: in our hyper-capitalist society, personal worth is
often correlated with earning power. Many of the old old are unable to
work, but they are no less valuable individuals and citizens.)

– Ashton Applewhite is a Knight Fellow, a New York Times Fellow, and the author of Cutting Loose, a book about women who initiate divorce. Read more about work and old age on her blog, sowhenareyougoingtoretire.com.

Columbus, OH: Cornucopia of History

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:33:54 -0400

Recently, Forbes magazine cited Columbus, Ohio as an ideal place for retirees to live. I can understand the appeal of this city of about 1.7 million people, not the least of which is its intriguing historical sites, which I recently visited.

The attraction that most amazed me is The Topiary Park located downtown and shown in the photo at left. This is the only existing topiary park based on a work of art, namely, Georges Seurat's Post-Impressionist 1886 painting, A Sunday Afternoon on the Isle of La Grand Jatte.

The seven-acre park, very clean and green, is a landscape of a painting of a landscape. Dozens of yews have been transformed into sculptures of 54 people, as well as boats, dogs, a monkey and a cat, so that I was surveying a living, growing canvas.

The topiary figures resemble the people in Seurat's painting and they overlook a lily- and fish-filled pond emulating the River Seine in Paris. Perennials, annuals and hanging baskets abound. The admission-free park is serene, beautiful and truly unique.

Photo by Martin Sandler

Kelton House Museum & Garden

Many parts of Ohio had underground railroads from which runaway slaves sought refuge. The Kelton House Museum & Garden, in the East Town Street Historic District, was built in 1852 by a transplanted Vermont merchant, Fernando Cortez Kelton and his wife, Sophia. Their house was part of that underground railroad.

Reflecting Greek Revival and Italianate influences, the house is filled with original furniture and accessories owned by the Keltons. This includes hand-painted fans, needlework and jewelry. The museum presents re-enactments of Underground Railroad stories about fugitive slaves. A costumed docent reveals that one runaway, Martha Hartway, remained with the Keltons and married their cabinetmaker.

The neighborhood of German Village, settled by German immigrants in the mid-1800s, merits long and leisurely exploration for its lovely garden-parks, architecturally significant homes and charming shops. The centerpiece of the Village^'s Schiller Park is a sculpture of a girl with an umbrella that shields her from the fountain waters.

At Camp Chase Confederate Cemetery, the graves of 2,200 Confederate soldiers (prisoners of war) overlook a large stone arch crowned with a bronze statue of a Confederate private. The city boasts some impressively restored theaters like the Southern Theater, built in 1896. Al Jolson, Sarah Bernhardt and the Barrymores once appeared on its stage.

A big attraction is the Greek Revival-Italianate home of former President and Chief Justice William Howard Taft. Here, I learned much about the life and career of our most rotund president, the first U. S. President to be buried at Arlington. Columbus was named for explorer Christopher Columbus. If he were to explore his namesake city, he would be pleased by all there is to discover.

Generous Holiday Gifts Don't Have to Break Your Bank Account

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 14:37:51 -0400

With the economy in a tailspin, financial worries all around us and the holidays approaching, how can we continue to give in the same way as we have in the past? With creative approaches, gift giving can still feel wonderful and generous. There are many ways to give joy and kindness to others without feeling impoverished. Remember that it is your thoughtfulness that is an integral part of gift giving and never hesitate to use plenty of colorful tissues and ribbons to make your gift look ultra fabulous!

CRAFTY WAYS: There are boundless opportunities to craft your gifts; some more expensive and time consuming than others. For frugal approaches, try the following:

Create a stack of greeting cards with your favorite rubber stamps and/or embellishments and tie the package with a festive ribbon. No stamps? Cut a potato in half lengthwise, carve it and dip it in paint and you have a stamp!

Sentiments are always strong so making a scrapbook page with personal items, quotes, poetry and photos, will be a sure hit!

Buy an inexpensive picture frame and for your special photo (maybe it’s you, or the recipient or a pet); with extra time you can decorate the frame by gluing on some extra buttons you have stashed with your other sewing notions.

RETHINK & REUSE: Take another look at disposables that would otherwise be in your trash; it is likely that you can reuse them to make wonderful gifts. With scraps of printed cotton and Modge Podge glue, I used a decoupage technique to cover empty toilet paper rolls. The result? Elegant napkin ring holders, decorated with fun trimming on one end, are always an attraction at my dinner table with guests!

Found objects can have multiple lives. I rescued a crushed car hubcap from the road to make a fabulous picture frame. The embedded dirt actually gave it a special and wonderful shadow effect.

SATISFYING A SWEET TOOTH: Everyone loves homemade goodies. If you don’t enjoy baking cakes or cookies from scratch, try using a mix; there are many wonderful brands that will produce excellent results even for the gluten free diet.

Another approach is to buy bags of colorful loose candy and layer them in an inexpensive glass container with a lid. Tie a pretty bow on the neck of the jar and it looks great!

SURPRISE BASKETS: Gather beautiful fruits and make your own gift basket. To make it extra attractive, place a paper doily in between the fruits or a large one under each one. Another basket may be a collection of travel size toiletries which you may have from hotel visits or cosmetic bonus packs. Add a special touch in the basket with a washcloth rolled up and tied with a ribbon and even a little miniature toy for fun! There are plenty of ideas that can fill your basket so just think of a theme and fill it up!

GREEN THUMB: Buying a plant is usually affordable but you can also share a plant that you have in your home. Fill a new pot with soil and carefully separate part of your plant and repot it as a gift with a special ribbon. Want to get fancy? Take some acrylic paint and paint a pattern on the pot!

RECYCLED GIFTS: We all have received gifts that we did not want, tried to look the other way but graciously accepted with a smile and a thank you. These gifts need to be recycled and given to those people who will enjoy and appreciate them! Now is the perfect time to look in your closets, on your shelves and through those storage bins to find gifts to recycle. If you are scratching your head and not coming up with possible gift recipients, donate it!

When the material world of gift giving still leaves you in a quandary, consider ways to give of yourself.

YOUR-OWN-CERTIFICATE: This is a fabulous way to give a gift of yourself! Print out certificates for house cleaning, dog walking, car washing, babysitting or any other service that you can provide that is valued by the recipient.

VOLUNTEER: Volunteers are an important part of our society. When you volunteer and donate your time to an organization, you are giving to people in need. This is truly a way to honor the spirit of the holidays by supporting the organization or charity that helps others. If you do not know who to contact or where to go, try http://www.volunteermatch.org for local opportunities.

We are living in extraordinary times and we are challenged to maintain our positive sense of self. By giving to others and being remarkable in our kindness to others, we can flourish and build a better society.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, the poet, has said “The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.”

- Judith Zausner is the Founder and President of Caring Crafts, Inc.
which offers craft kits and supplies to adults with fine motor skill
problems and/or attention difficulties. Awarded a grant from the
Society for the Arts in Health Care, Judith is dedicated to empowering
creativity to encourage independence and enhance wellbeing.

Is the "Only Child" Really a Spoiled Brat?

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 12:03:55 -0400

The stereotypical view of an "only child" is a spoiled, self-centered brat. Is that view valid or is it a bad rap?

I believe it's a bad rap. However, my opinion might be biased as I am the 94-year-old father of a 65-year-old only child, my son. Again, I may be prejudiced in thinking that, despite being an only child, he is one of the least self-centered, moat considerate, best adjusted and most successful people I know. My definition of success isn't limited to finances but embraces all aspects of one's life.

I believe that the majority of one-child parents expect more from and set higher standards of conduct and performance for their child, which more often than not, results in the child's becoming an over-achiever and a highly successful adult. I know it doesn't apply in all cases but my son's remarkable mother gave him a huge leg-up toward success in life by consciously not tying him to her apron strings and teaching him independence and self-reliance from a very early age.

Due to my awareness of the common perception of an only child, for the past 30 to 40 years I have made an attempt to evaluate or determine the success level of the people I knew as well as those I still know who have no siblings living or dead. The results of my very unprofessional study reinforce my belief that the common view of this group as a whole is not justified.

My point in posting this blog is this. I know there have been many extensive and well documented scientific studies on this subject. I also know it's likely that many of them can be found on the internet. However, my ability to access them is very limited due to my legal blindness. It will be very much appreciated if one of you fellow bloggers will give me a link to a reliable person or organization that has done research on this subject. Thank you.

--Jim Hammond

Solo Sex: Hot Tip Contest

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 14:40:53 -0400

What's your best tip for hot solo senior sex? I've published my 10 Tips for Hot Sex after Sixty that apply mainly to couples (and I've been criticized for that emphasis on couples), and now I'm asking your help in compiling the best tips for pleasuring yourself solo after age 60 (or 70, or 80).

Here's how to enter the Solo Sex Hot Tip Contest:

Email me at Joan [at] joanprice [dot] com with "contest tip" as your header.
In your email, describe in about 100 words your Solo Sex Hot Tip, including an anecdote from your personal story about how this tip improved your sexual pleasure. (I'm not looking for porn or even erotica -- just the nuts & bolts how this tip worked to enhance your pleasure.)
Be sure to include your full name, mailing address (so that I can send you a book if you win!), and email address in your email. This information will NOT be shared.
You're welcome to post tips anonymously as a comment here, but realize that I can't give you an award if I don't know who you are.

Prizes: One entry per month will receive a free copy of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, and the best entry of 2008 also will receive a free copy of Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation by Jamye Waxman. (No, you don't have to be a woman to enter the contest.)

And then what?
All entries may be posted on this blog and/or used in a follow-up book or article, at my discretion, without your name (I promise!) or any identifying info that could cause you embarrassment. I'll ask you for a code name to use if I decide to post your tip. Entries may be edited.

I don't know how many entries this contest will attract, so I'll give awards as the best ones strike my fancy, rather than by a certain deadline. This could be an ongoing contest.

Enter soon and enter often!

– Joan Price is the author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty. Visit her website at joanprice.com and her sex and aging blog at betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com.

You can email her at joan [at] joanprice [dot] com.

Poetry can be Fantastic Therapy

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 13:26:19 -0400

Soon after returning from a trip to see her first grandchild, Laniere Gresham started writing poetry. It just happened. And it gave her pleasure and pride. Some years later at the age of 56, she suffered a major stroke from a cerebral hemorrhage and doctors gave her only a 50/50 chance of survival. She could not talk or use her right hand yet 6 months later, with the encouragement of family and friends, she was writing again. “I did not have the speed but I still had the creativity in me” says Laniere. And then she won a prize for one of her early poems. This is one of Laniere’s poems:

HUMMMMMMMM
Cicadas bought the sound waves
this summer, rented my trees
for orgies, assaulted my ears
with endless love songs_____
yet excluded me.

Sometimes it is a life changing event that propels us to express our inner creativity. It could be a positive event like the birth of a child or the sadness felt from the death of a loved one. We are stirred from our day-to-day ritual ways to focus on the change. Our emotions swell. We need to talk about it. And to reflect on this event and allow its release from our constant daily thoughts, writing is an excellent tool. It may be poetry or journaling or scrapbooking using photos with comments. There is no time limit; you will express yourself when you are ready and in the way that feels right for you.

Your writing may be personal and private or a project that you want to share. There is no right or wrong approach; what may feel private today can be shared tomorrow. Sometimes a recovery process is so difficult that we need to nurse our inner turmoil. However our healing is expedited by recognizing the pain and releasing it. It is important to validate your experience; to create permanence of your thoughts and feelings on paper or on the computer. Writing can help move you forward creatively and cathartically; it is the experience of liberating yourself that is both empowering and healing.

So it is not surprising that poetry therapy is valued by people all over the world whether they are home based or in an education setting, facility or other communal environment. The National Association of Poetry Therapy provides certification to individuals who wish to guide and mentor others using words of expression through teaching, therapy or the ministries. And in our medical world, poetry can offer a profound sense of relief and healing.

Dr. Rafael Campo teaches and practices medicine at Harvard Medical School. He writes poetry and also writes about the practice of using poetry with his patients. With the tools of integrative medicine, he approaches healing dynamically with the heart, mind and soul of a caring physician set on empowering patients to fight for wellness.

Take some time to think, dream your thoughts and express yourself. Healing can happen at any time and in many ways.

Gloria Steinem, American Writer and Activist:

“Writing is the only thing that, when I do it,

I don't feelI should be doing something else.”

The Overmedicating of America

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 18:46:40 -0400

Americans take so many drugs that 100,000 of us die every year because of those drugs. It is not illness that causes those 100,000 deaths, but the damaging effects of drugs taken for illness. Beyond these deaths there are millions of adverse drug reactions every year, resulting in hospitalizations, lost days from work, lost income, and sometimes chronic disability. What kinds of drugs are these? What kinds of illness? Why does this happen?

It is important to remember that any drug can cause side effects, or an allergic reaction, and that the reaction may be severe. Higher doses of drugs and combinations of drugs increase the risks. People who are sicker are more often prescribed multiple medications, yet these are the people most likely to be more sensitive to adverse effects. It is common for patients who enter my office to be taking 5 or 6 medications at once. I have seen patients taking 15 medications at the same time! It is virtually certain that their complaints will be related to these drugs.

These are the most commonly over-prescribed classes of drugs: antidepressants, antipsychotics, sedatives, stimulants. These are the pills that affect the brain. They often cause oversedation, memory loss, loss of concentration, and confusion.

Antidepressants and antipsychotics. These may worsen depression and raise the risk of suicide or even homicide. Children only ten years old have committed suicide after taking antidepressants prescribed for them by family physicians or psychiatrists. Parents have asserted they were never informed of an increased risk of suicidal thinking. Now there is a black box warning accompanying these drugs, warning of an increased suicide risk in children and adolescents.

Antidepressants and sedatives increase the risk of auto accidents, of accidental falls and hip fractures. Physicians are advised not to prescribe antipsychotic medications to older people with dementia, because of more frequent cardiac events including sudden death. These drugs continue to be heavily prescribed.

Sedatives and stimulants. These are addicting and will lead to withdrawal symptoms when stopped. They also lead to a desire for more drugs and the high risk of long-term dependency.

Some of the main adverse effects of these drugs are that they cause mental dullness, reduce emotions, and prevent the confrontation of problems in life that need to be handled.

Pain and anti-inflammatory medications include narcotics, muscle relaxants, non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, and over-the-counter drugs like aspirin and acetaminophen.

Narcotics. These are highly addicting and lead to a vicious cycle of drug dependency even after the medical reason for their prescription has resolved. Other methods of managing pain should be employed whenever possible before narcotics are prescribed, such as physical therapy, laser therapy, acupuncture, prolotherapy, nutrients for pain both oral and injected. Narcotics should be used in the lowest dosage and for the shortest required duration.

Non-steroidal drugs, such as ibuprofen. These agents cause high blood pressure, gastrointestinal bleeding, kidney and liver damage, fluid retention and edema, and congestive heart failure. It has been estimated they cause 15,000 deaths per year. Patients should be informed of these complications, and be told to use them, again, in the lowest dose and for the shortest duration necessary.

Antibiotics. Many infections are mild and do not require antibiotics. Many infections are viral in origin and will not respond to antibiotics. These include most upper respiratory infections, including sinusitis, and most cases of bronchitis. Antibiotics may cause serious adverse reactions, including rashes, kidney or liver damage, and emergence of resistant bacteria such as MRSA, the current scourge of hospital-acquired infections.

The fluoroquinolones, a class of potent antibiotics, may cause confusion, agitation, disorientation, neuropathy, and inflammation of tendons leading to rupture. I have seen several patients who experienced rupture of the Achilles tendon after taking these antibiotics, requiring surgery or use of a cast and crutches for months. Antibiotics also lead to yeast infections and imbalance of bacteria in the large intestine. Diarrhea, abdominal pain and nausea may result, and may not resolve until probiotics, or good bacteria, are taken as supplements.

Patients should request—and doctors should prescribe—antibiotics only when indicated, and probiotics should be taken at the same time to reduce side effects.

Blood pressure medications. One fourth of the adult population of the United States has high blood pressure, and in only one third of them is it controlled. Many patients are taking three or four medications at the same time because one is not sufficient. The best way to control blood pressure, however, is through weight reduction and the avoidance of salt. Potassium and magnesium are minerals that effectively reduce blood pressure. Fruits and vegetables are uniformly low in salt and high in potassium and magnesium. These are the foods people should try to eat as much as possible.

There is a mind-set in the United States that favors the use of drugs to the exclusion of safer and more effective measures of disease prevention and treatment. Physicians, partly through their training and partly through the powerful influence of pharmaceutical companies, routinely pursue a drug approach to medical problems. There is a lack of education and understanding, and an undue assertion of vested interests, leading to an unwarranted and dangerous dependency on medications. Reversing this trend will improve our health, save us money, and extend our useful lives.

- Dr. Sosin is the Founder and Medical Director of the Institute for Progressive Medicine in Irvine, California. He has authored two books, Alpha Lipoic Acid: Nature's Ultimate Antioxidant, and The Doctor's Guide to Diabetes and Your Child.

^{The information contained on this blog is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any illness or condition. The recommendations contained on this site have not been reviewed by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). No content contained on this site is a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Never increase, reduce or discontinue any medication or treatment without first consulting your doctor.}

The Financial Hurricane

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 18:36:39 -0400

Knocked down by the financial hurricane? Get up and reboot!

The financial crisis that toppled major Wall Street banks and snarled credit markets around the world has also taken a toll on nest eggs, forcing people to rethink when and if their savings will allow them to retire.

More than half of people surveyed in an Associated Press-GfK poll released Wednesday said they worry that they will have to work longer because the value of their retirement savings has declined (Associated Press, Oct. 1, 2008).

Talk about an inconvenient truth. I know the feeling. I watched the monster eat a giant hole in my IRA in September.

There is unanimous agreement that we have a crisis on our hands. And even though linguists and scholars have debunked the popular notion that the Chinese word for crisis (weiji) incorporates the words for both "danger" and "opportunity," thinking Americans have to be hoping they can find the opportunity in this danger.

So where's the opportunity in our current crisis? I believe it is in rethinking the old notion of "retirement" as a period of rest and relaxation, and instead deciding that this is the time to reboot oneself into a period of extended productive contribution.

It might be continuing in the same line of work, starting a new business, consulting, or taking up an "encore career" in a socially meaningful (and paid) role in such fields as education, health care or community work.

RebootYou.com has been promoting the idea of working beyond the so-called "normal retirement years" for reasons other than financial emergency. But a financial emergency definitely gets your attention. To paraphrase Samuel Johnson, "Nothing focuses the mind like losing your life savings."

Fifty-five percent of people surveyed for the AP-GfK poll said they were worried that the financial crisis would reduce their savings and force them to postpone retirement. The poll, conducted Sept. 27-30, 2008, was based on phone interviews with a nationally representative sample of 1,160 adults. It had a margin of error of 2.9 percent.

In a previous blog, I wrote about the new book, Working Longer: The Solution to the Retirement Income Challenge. The premise of that book is that even without a financial crisis, many people will have to work longer than they thought they would just to maintain their standard of living. With a crisis, the number is undoubtedly larger.

RebootYou.com can help. I invite you to click over to the site and check out the possibilities. There are dozens and dozens of ways to reinvent yourself. And if you've already done it, tell us your story so we can share it with others. Look for the heading, "Submit your story" for the easy steps to follow.

At Last, A Victory for Decency

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 18:30:23 -0400

Heralding a rare and glorious victory of decency over dogma, Governor Schwarzenegger signed the California Right to Know End-of-Life Options Act (R2K) into law recently. When the law goes into effect in California January 2009, the impact will reverberate across the nation.

For all the fuss among right-to-lifers, you'd think R2K opens some radical new practice, or forces doctors to violate their patients' interests. Here's what it does:

When a dying patient asks, "What are my options?" the Act instructs the doctor to answer the question. Period.

Answering the question completely and honestly, the doctor must disclose all legal and feasible options, or refer the patient to someone who will.

Is an honest answer too much to expect from your doctor?

Apparently, for some, it is.

Outraged activists entreated the governor not to sign. They included the Alliance of Catholic Health Care, Eagle Forum, the Christian Medical and Dental Association, California ProLife Council, Crusade for Life and (inexplicably) disability rights organizations like California Disability Alliance and the Foundation for Independent Living Centers.

The offending end-of-life option—the one these folks don't want patients to know about—is a merciful procedure called "palliative sedation." When pain, breathlessness, diarrhea or other torment becomes unbearable for dying patients, doctors can use powerful drugs to sedate the patient to unconsciousness until death comes.

Palliative sedation is a well-accepted practice in hospice and palliative care environments. Knowing about this option comforts many as they anticipate the last few months or weeks of life. If pain, suffocation or other agony gets too bad, escape into a coma-like state can ease their suffering and spare their family the torture of watching such suffering. People find courage and hope in this knowledge.

Why would a doctor want to withhold knowledge that may bring hope and courage to life's most difficult struggle? Is it because the Church orders Catholic institutions to strictly observe its "Ethical and Religious Directives for Catholic Health Care Services?" Is it because Directive #61 instructs that a person, "...should not be deprived of consciousness without a compelling reason" and "patients experiencing suffering that cannot be alleviated should be helped to appreciate the Christian understanding of redemptive suffering"?

Fair enough. Never would I intrude in another person's expression of religious faith and belief. Government should not interfere with those who choose to emulate the Passion of Christ on their death bed. But these activists want government to impose their choices on everyone.

The California Catholic Daily called palliative sedation "a morally questionable end-of-life option" as the excuse to keep it secret. There's no excuse for holding a patient hostage to your own religious and moral code.

One religion simply cannot be allowed to bind everyone in a state, or a nation. Would we tolerate such parochial protection of the moral precepts of other religions?

Would we guard the right of a Christian Scientist to withhold information on antibiotics from a patient asking what can be done for her infection? Would we excuse a doctor who shares the Jehovah's Witness belief that blood products are immoral and withholds knowledge of transfusions from his patient with a bleeding disorder?

Of course not. We'd call that entrapment, and would not tolerate healthcare professionals who put vulnerable patients at risk of suffering and harm in service to the professional's own religious and moral beliefs.

But the R2K opponents feel outraged at losing a similar right: The right to entice patients into their healthcare systems with the promise of comprehensive care and then withhold treatment—even withhold information about treatment—that could relieve suffering but is deemed immoral by a religion the patient may not share.

Really, sirs, have you no decency?

Thank you, Governor, for signing a bill that promotes both good end-of-life care and religious freedom, all at once.

– Barbara Coombs Lee is President of Compassion & Choices (www.compassionandchoices.org), a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving care and expanding choice at the end of life.

Minding Your Mind

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 17:47:46 -0400

Have you ever noticed how easy it is for your mind to slip into negativity? I have. For example, I have been thinking of joining an online dating service. However, each time I scan the sites, my mind convinces me that it is a waste of time. I tell myself that I don't have the patience to engage in the same conversation repeatedly with strangers with whom I feel no chemistry. My mind cautions me that the ads may lie. People promote themselves as tall when they are short and post pictures of themselves taken fifteen years ago. "Statistics are not in my favor," I conclude. With that, negativity wins out and I spend most Saturday nights watching DVDs with my cat George.

Although I am generally a positive person, these moments of negativity often take hold without my awareness. Like a pre-programmed record, it is the nature of the mind to get stuck in a groove, repeating limiting thought patterns that seem so old and ancestral, they just might predate us. Because they are so familiar, we tend to believe such thoughts are the gospel truth.

Upon examination, some of my coaching clients have revealed that negativity serves to protect them. After all, they reason, if you don't expect much, you can't get hurt. Negativity keeps us from stretching to become the kind of person who attracts what we want. Having assumed our self-imposed boundaries, we then righteously cling to the comfort of our limited self-definitions and worldview. For many people, the tendency towards negativity increases as we age, thus shrinking our world exponentially.

Recently, I had the opportunity to experiment with changing my limited thinking when the Board of my Mother's homeowners' association met to discuss "the feral cat problem." Neighbors were concerned that the five feral cats my Mom feeds and has had spayed posed a threat to the community. One neighbor was convinced that a stray cat had ripped her screen while another complained that one had defecated on her lawn. The Board notified my Mother that she could state her case at the meeting. Being unable to attend, she sent me instead.

People told me that fighting a homeowners' board is as effective as spitting in the wind. Therefore, I chose not to fight. Instead, I collected information from Alley Cat Allies, a non-profit organization, brainstormed the board's objectives and identified my talking points. Most importantly, I reframed the situation. Instead of negatively assuming I would meet with resistance, I imagined on a sensory level that I was met with kindness and understanding. On a daily basis for weeks before the meeting, I sent good thoughts and love to board members. As these cats were very important to my Mom, I envisioned victory. Failure was not an option I wanted to consider.

You could have knocked me over when the board gracefully and gratefully accepted my information and suggestions. They allowed my Mom to keep her cats and I received a valuable lesson in minding my mind.

Since then, I have become more aware of the way my mind cons me. To better mind my mind I have come up with three fast ways to eliminate negativity.

1. I say, "Cancel" every time a negative thought or image appears in my mind. This practice is like pressing the delete key on my computer.

2. Instead of saying "I have to" do something (like wash my floor or write a report) I now say, "I get to do" these things. As soon as "I get to," I start noticing the positive opportunities in the tasks that lie ahead.

3. I've noticed that negative thoughts constrict and rob me of my vitality. Thus, after I say ‘Cancel' I kinesthetically take space. I do this by taking a couple of deep breaths to release my tensions. I then imagine that like the sun, I am radiating 360 degrees around me. In so doing, I shine my way through the darkness.

How do you shift away from negative thought patterns? Please take a moment and write a comment. Thanks.

- Aimee Bernstein is a writer and the President of Open Mind Adventures, a company that provides consulting, coaching and training in the areas of leadership, organization and personal development.

Inspired to Dance

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 13:41:27 -0400

Just because she's pushing 82, doesn't mean that Pearl has to give up dancing. On the contrary, learning Salsa has been a plenty of fun. So every Thursday evening, Pearl struts over to the dance studio to listen to the music and move to the groove. The group starts with practice steps and then learns to build them like puzzle pieces set to music. Body movement and partner interaction is part of the creative process that distinguishes individual style. A wink, a swing, a twist. Dance is the imaginative work of the mind and body in unison; a purposeful interpretation to music.

What happens when dancers meet life hurdles? How do they find creative solutions to continue their life passion?

Jodi Stolove was a dancer and teacher who had broken her ankle. Not willing to be immobile and abandon her students, she taught classes from her chair. And that became a successful business called Chair Dancing ® which is non impact aerobics from a seated position. Jodi says, "These medically sound programs are a new fitness option for active people or those whose physical condition, restricted mobility or age limit their participation in conventional forms of exercise." She sells home videos for instruction, and you can always improvise.

Dancer Kitty Lunn had a very big hurdle to overcome. Her love of dance started at the age of eight. But while preparing for her first Broadway show in 1987, Kitty Lunn slipped on ice, fell down a flight of stairs and broke her back. Paraplegic and depressed, she could not imagine dancing again when she could not even walk. But she also could not give up her love of dancing because "the dancer inside me didn't know or care that I was using a wheelchair; she just wanted to keep dancing." In the fall of 1995, Kitty founded Infinity Dance Theater, a non-traditional dance company featuring dancers with and without disabilities and performs all over the world.

In addition to dance concerts, the Company is dedicated to educational programs by "teaching other dance educators to bring the joy and drama of motion and movement to a new level of inclusion by expanding the boundaries of dance and changing the world's perception of what a dancer is." Kitty continues to take a "mainstream, professional ballet class every day and has developed wheelchair dance techniques strongly rooted in and growing out of classical ballet and modern dance."

There are many challenges in life but few as great as finding creative solutions to build our lives with passion and dignity.

- Judith Zausner is the Founder and President of Caring Crafts, Inc. which offers craft kits and supplies to adults with fine motor skill problems and/or attention difficulties. Awarded a grant from the Society for the Arts in Health Care, Judith is dedicated to empowering creativity to encourage independence and enhance wellbeing.

Peabody Hotels are Just Ducky

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 13:09:29 -0400

On a recent trip to Orlando with our five-year-old-grandson, Hunter, my husband and I chose to stay at the Peabody Hotel. It's all it's quacked up to be. That's because the grand, luxurious 891-room hotel, which is in the middle of a major expansion to include a 32-story Peabody Tower, is home to the famous Peabody Ducks.

There is also a Peabody in Memphis and in Little Rock. All three hotels feature a huge lobby fountain where the adorable ducks swim and enchant visitors who crowd the lobby at 11 a.m. and 5 p.m. daily to witness a ritual that's just ducky. The Legend of the Ducks explains it all.

In the 1930s, the Peabody Memphis' general manager and his friend—both of them avid hunters—prankishly placed three live duck decoys in the lobby fountain. Rather than thinking it a fowl deed, the hotel's guests loved watching the ducks swim in the fountain. A tradition evolved and it continues today—to the amusement and applause of onlookers.

At each Peabody, a uniformed Duckmaster (think Robert Preston in The Music Man) brandishing a baton, leads four female ducks and one male duck from their onsite deckside Duck Palace (it looks like a large glass-enclosed shower stall) down the elevator and into the lobby while a John Phillip Souza march plays. It gives "search the Web" new meaning. Just look for the webbed feet.

The ducks scurry (they look like little feathery Keystone Cops!) along a red carpet across the lobby, up a few removable steps and into the fountain. At 5 p.m. daily, the ritual reverses so the ducks can retire to their Duck Palace.

Photo by Martin Sandler

On Sunday morning, Hunter served as an Honorary Duckmaster; when we checked into the hotel, we had placed his name on a list to request that he be chosen as such. His simple job was to make sure the ducks didn't wander off. My husband and I quacked up as we watched it all.

Afterward, as the three of us sipped ice cream sodas in the Peabody Orlando's kitschy 50s-style B-Line Diner, Hunter was still excited about having been touched on each shoulder by the Duckmaster's baton and being knighted "Sir Hunter, Honorary Duckmaster." He has the frame-worthy certificate—and we have the photos—to prove it.

Photo by Martin Sandler

Peabody Orlando is five minutes from Universal Orlando Resort theme park, so we also have photos of happy Hunter posing with Shrek, the Simpsons, Spiderman and other icons. From Seuss Landing and Toon Lagoon to E. T. Adventure, Animal Actors on Location, and the Universal Horror Make-Up Show, Hunter was enthralled. So were we.

Too bad we couldn't send the bill to the Peabody Ducks!

Staying Healthy and Vigorous All Your Life

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 12:51:38 -0400

The headline on the story in the August 26 New York Times says it all: "Living Longer, in Good Health to the End."

Isn't that the way we all want it to be?

I think so. This article, by Jane E. Brody in the Times' Personal Health column, is one of many I've seen lately offering encouragement that the final years of life don't have to be a prolonged period of discomfort, distress and suffering.

"There is increasing evidence that the societal burden of increased longevity need not be so drastic," says the article. "Long-term studies have shown that how people live accounts for more than half the difference in how hale and hearty they will remain until very near the end."

Dr. James E. Fries of Stanford University in 1980 put forth the idea that good health and vigor can be extended well into a person's 80s, and illness and disability can be compressed into a short period at the end of life.

Many studies have come to a consensus that genetic factors—such as the amount and proportion of HDL and LDL cholesterol in the blood—account for only about 35 percent of the length of a person's life. The rest—roughly 65 percent—is determined by environmental factors.

It's never too late to adopt habits that predict a healthy old age, according to Dr. Richard S. Rivlin, an internist and director of the nutrition and cancer prevention career development program at Weill Cornell College.

"While measures started early in life are most likely to have the greatest health benefit, older people should never feel that turning over a new leaf at their age is anything but highly effective," he is quoted in Brody's article.

He said people in their 70s can do a number of things to help prevent hypertension, heart disease, osteoporosis and even cancer. These include restricting calorie intake, limiting saturated fats, replacing simple sugars with fiber-rich whole grains, and eating plenty of high quality protein.

Another very important measure that people in their 70s can take to stay healthy is to make exercise a regular part of their daily lifestyle, including aerobic activities that elevate the heart rate, weight-bearing activities that strengthen muscles and bones, and stretching exercises that reduce stiffness and improve flexibility and balance.

Many long-term studies have pinpointed exercise as the single most potent predictor of healthy longevity, in women as well as men, Brody wrote. She concluded: "It's not that very old people... can exercise because they are healthy, these findings indicate. Rather, they achieve a healthy old age because the exercise."

- Lee Callaway of Redwood City, CA, has reinvented himself several times, including a transition from corporate executive to consultant, two trips back to graduate school and, most recently, as the founder of RebootYou.com. His driving force is staying active, discovering and trying new things, and continually searching for new challenges.

Working Longer

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 12:29:27 -0400

A major premise of RebootYou.com is that it makes sense to stay active after "retirement." There are many reasons—physical and mental health, economics, and preventing the waste of experience and knowledge, among others.

In fact, we believe that "retirement" in the conventional sense—withdrawing to a passive, unengaged existence—is a bad thing.

One of the reasons for continuing to work described on www.rebootyou.com is the need or desire to continue to make money—other than Social Security or a pension.

Now along comes a book whose main message is that many people will have to work longer than they thought they would, just to maintain their standard of living.

The book is Working Longer: The Solution to the Retirement Income Challenge, by Alicia H. Munnell and Steven A Sass (Brookings Institution Press.)

Munnell and Sass "note that the nation's retirement system, as embodied by Social Security and Medicare in the public sector and I.R.A.'s and 401(k) plans in the private sector, is contracting in its ability to replace workers' lost income—even as life expectancy is increasing."

"About 19 percent of men and 33 percent of women who survive to age 65 will live to age 90 or older and have to support themselves for almost 30 years," Munnell and Sass write. "The arithmetic does not work."

The authors cite numerous studies that turn up these very inconvenient truths:

For people who retire at 65 today, it is estimated that Social Security will only provide the equivalent of 39 percent of their incomes after deductions for basic Medicare contributions.
Those who plan to retire in 2030 can expect net benefits of only 30 percent of their incomes.
In 1989, 66 percent of American employers provided post-retirement health care benefit programs. By 2006 that number had fallen to 35 percent.
Americans do not save enough. In a 2004 Federal Reserve study, the theoretically possible or simulated amount of money owned by people aged 55 to 64 was $314,000. However, the actual average savings was only $60,000.

Munnell and Sass recommend that people postpone their retirements from the current average age of 63 to age 66. Four more years of work changes the ratio of retirement to working years from 1 to 2, meaning 20 years of retirement and 40 years of work, to almost 1 to 3, or 16 years of retirement and 44 years of work.

Working longer, the authors say, would delay the need for people to tap into their I.R.A.'s and 401(k)'s, increasing their total assets and the future income they can produce. It would also maximize the benefits of Social Security, which are about one-third higher for recipients who are 66 than for those who are 62.

The authors raise other important issues, which we will discuss in subsequent blogs: whether older workers will be healthy enough to continue to work, whether they will want to, and whether employers will be willing to employ them.

If you're interested in ordering the book, please click here. The link will take you to the resources section of RebootYou.com, and Working Longer is the first book listed.

No More Antibiotics for Dental Procedures

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 12:14:09 -0400

Those of you who have been taking antibiotics for dental procedures may inform your dentists that antibiotics are now only rarely indicated to prevent heart infections. The American Heart Association has published new guidelines for the use of antibiotics for dental procedures. Patients with mitral valve prolapse and insufficiency, the largest group of patients previously targeted for antibiotic therapy before tooth cleaning or extraction, are now spared that therapy.

It appears that the risk of cardiac valve infection is much greater from brushing your teeth at home than from going to the dentist for professional cleaning. Three brushings at home release bacteria into the blood stream as frequently as one professional dental cleaning or tooth extraction. Since we brush our teeth every day, and only visit the dentist a couple times a year, the cumulative risk of brushing at home predominates.

Accordingly, it is recommended that only the following individuals receive antibiotics before dental procedures:

1. Those with a prior history of heart infection
2. Those with prosthetic cardiac valves
3. Those with congenital heart disease
4. Cardiac transplant recipients with valvular disease

Over the years I have written antibiotic prescriptions hundreds of times for patients going for dental procedures. Many of them developed diarrhea or yeast infections from those antibiotics.

It is likely that many dentists will not be aware of this new recommendation, and will continue to require patients with heart murmurs or mitral prolapse to take antibiotics.

If you have been subject to this requirement in the past, you may want to carry a copy of the article from Circulation, published online Apr 19, 2007: Prevention of Infective Endocarditis, Guidelines.

Cosmetics and Chemicals

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 11:37:39 -0400

We all want to look beautiful on the outside, but our actions may come with a significant cost to our well-being. There are many substances used in common cosmetic products that have been shown to be harmful to our health. Beauty products are absorbed through the skin into the bloodstream where they can reach various tissues. A recent study reported by the environmental working group found that the average adult used nine cosmetic products daily and more than 25% of women used 15 or more. This gives us ample opportunity for exposure to chemicals contained in these products. We will discuss two of the most troubling chemicals.

The first are parabens. Parabens are widely used as a preserving agent in cosmetic products as well as in some drugs and foods. They prevent the growth of bacteria and other organisms. A recent study conducted in Europe and reported by Harvey and Darbre found that 77% of beauty products tested contain parabens, so chances are you have them in your beauty products. Another study conducted in the United Kingdom by Darbre found parabens present in breast cancer tumors.

A proposed link between underarm products and these cancers may explain the fact that a disproportionate number of breast cancers are found in the upper outer quadrant of the left breast were these products would be applied more heavily by a primarily right-handed population. The study did not conclude that the cancer was a direct result of the parabens. Exactly how and why parabens were associated with these tumors has yet to be established. Parabens have been shown to be estrogenic in a number of studies performed on rats and mice. It has been well established that estrogenic substances negatively influence many breast cancers. Additional studies in this area are ongoing.

Another group of toxic substances are phthalates. Phthalates provide softness and flexibility to plastic products and carry other chemicals, making them "fragrant." Therefore, they are heavily used in colognes, perfumes, after shaves, lotions, hair products, lipsticks, blush, eyeliners and deodorants. They also are used commonly in nail polish. Phthalates are of particular concern in pregnancy in that they have been linked to birth defects in animals. They are being found at alarming levels in women of childbearing age.

Pthathlates also affect the fertility of men. A recent study at the Massachusetts General Hospital and Andrology laboratory followed 406 men, also being studied for semen quality, to determine if they use of personal-care products increased phthalate concentration in their bodies. Men who use cologne or aftershave within 48 hours before urine collection had 200% higher levels of phthalates than the nonusers. Each additional type of product use increased phthalates exposure and excretion by 33%. Toxicology studies have shown significant decreased sperm production and infertility in men associated with phthalate exposure.

While there are still questions regarding parabens and phthalates, it would be prudent to avoid exposure to these chemicals for the time being. It is possible to find natural skin care products that are made without parabens and phthalates—just read the labels. Our practice uses and recommends Hylunia Skin Care Products, as they do not contain harmful chemicals and additives. Please also visit www.ewg.org/reports/skindeep2 and www.thinkbeforeyoupink.org for more information.

_{The information contained on this blog is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any illness or condition. The recommendations contained on this site have not been reviewed by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). No content contained on this site is a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Never increase, reduce or discontinue any medication or treatment without first consulting your doctor.}