ELDR news & features

Mother's Day After a Divorce

Fri, 09 May 2008 11:58:15 -0400

In the old days, etiquette rules included which side of the plate you put your fork on and not burping at the table. Today, they include navigating divorcing parents, whether to get a stepmom a gift and what happens when Mother's Day falls on the weekend Dad is supposed to have the kids. Situations like these call for a new understanding of good manners.

So how do you negotiate those familial changes on Mother's Day?

"Handling situations where there isn't an etiquette rule is about understanding how to combine manners with three fundamental principles that form the basis of how we get along with each other—demonstrating respect, showing consideration, and being honest," said Dr. Cindy Post Senning. Dr. Senning is a director of the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt., and co-author of six books, including The Gift of Good Manners: A Parent's Guide to Raising Respectful, Kind, Considerate Children.

Here are tips from top experts for ways to navigate Mother's Day when a divorce is part of the landscape. "Getting through Mother's Day is really about how we're learning to get along with each other in this very painful situation," said Dr. Post Senning.

1. Accept there will be anger from the children. If Mom is the one who left, the children may be really mad at her. "You're not going to make it better by saying you have to give her a gift just because she's your mother," said Dr. Post Senning. "Being honest means, sometimes, you have to let the holiday go without a lot of celebration so you can have some healing. If Mother's Day leads to some opportunities for that, great! If not, don't push, especially the first year."

Be honest about the fact things are different. "Kids live a long time hoping mom and dad will get back together," said Dr. Post Senning. "They may dream about the family going out to dinner on Mother's Day like they always did and hope that will be the catalyst for mom and dad to reunite. Parents need to be respectful of those feelings, while at the same time telling them, we can't do that because things are different. If you try and make it like it was when you were a family, you're only pretending and you're going to make it worse. Instead, detach from emotion and think about what is it you want to do."

2. Try to keep the routine for the kids. While things are different, as much as possible, keep them similar. "Mother's Day is a day when children, whatever age, take the initiative. So, Mother's Day in a home where there's a divorce should be similar to Mother's Day in an intact family, except without the participation of the father. The children can draw a picture, write a story, or cook breakfast, if they're old enough to do so," said Dr. Judith Wallerstein, who has spent 30 years studying the effects of divorce on families. She is co-author of the international best seller, What About the Kids? Raising Children Before, During and After Divorce.

3. Be considerate and plan ahead for Mother's Day. Children do better when they don't have to scramble to figure out how to handle important events. "The kids shouldn't be the ones solving the problem about what we do for different holidays," said Dr. Post Senning. Special occasions, like Mother's Day, should be part of the parenting plan you work out during the divorce. So, sit down together with the calendar and figure out who has the children for which special day. If there is a joint custody situation and Mother's Day is on Dad's weekend, negotiate for some time with the children on Sunday. While most fathers will cooperate for the sake of their children, some will dig in their heels. "If he refuses to change the day, the kids and mom should celebrate on their own on another day," said Dr. Wallerstein.

4. Be respectful of your ex as you work out the details. Communication problems are the number two reason for divorce. When you've had problems communicating in the best of times, communicating when nerves are raw can be tough. Carolyn Ellis, author of the New York Times bestseller Thrive After Divorce suggets approaching your ex with respect. "I'd like to talk with you about Mother's Day. Is this a good time for you to talk?" Ellis advises opening the door with a positive statement like, "I think we've been doing a really good job handling our divorce in a way that makes our kids feel safe and loved." Then state your position by saying something like, "Mother's Day is coming up in three weeks. The kids are scheduled to be with you and I would like to have some time with them. My request would be to have the children for Sunday morning brunch. If you could help them with a card and gift, I would really appreciate that and I would be happy to reciprocate for Father's Day." This is not the time to mention the affair five years ago. Instead, listen to the answer, take some deep breaths if you need to and be as open as possible to what your ex has to say.

5. Parents should facilitate helping children with gifts. On Mother's Day, it's great if Dad can facilitate the children's choice of gifts and cards. This also shows that dad respects his children's relationship with their mom, even if there is a lot of anger and resentment between them. However, there may be some cases where dad either doesn't want to or is an absentee parent. Speak honestly to your therapist or friends about how you want to waterboard him but don't make him wrong in front of the kids because that disrespects their relationship with him and puts them in the middle.

6. What to do if mom isn't around. If it's mom who no longer has an active role in the children's lives, Mother's Day can be tough. Don't force your children to talk about this, but give openings, and follow their lead. When the subject does come up, help them not to feel ashamed or afraid that there's something wrong with them. "For whatever reason, some mothers go off because they're not happy or not well. The most important thing is to tell your child it's not their fault and remind them best thing she ever did was help them come to this planet. Even when they've failed us miserably, most people are doing the best they can with the resources they have," said Ellis.

7. Enlist the aid of others. "Mother's Day is very meaningful and very important to the mother. Particularly for the first two or three years after a divorce, mothers especially need to feel loved and cared for by their children. Their self-esteem is often shattered by the divorce and now a lot of it rests on her children's love, affection, and respect. So, it's nice for grandparents or good friends or someone in the extended family to make sure Mother's Day happens. It wouldn't hurt if the churches took this seriously and helped encourage the children to do what children in intact families do," said Dr. Wallerstein.

So, if Dad isn't up to helping the kids get ready, ask for help. If your child's school is doing arts and crafts, give your child's teachers a heads up. If no one steps up to the plate, mom can take responsibility. Put it on the table in a low-key way. "We've got a tough one coming up. I know you love me. But this year, let's keep things simple. How about we rent a movie, have a pizza delivered or pick up some Chinese and just enjoy the day?" The point is to take the pressure off everyone and create some good memories.

8. Develop new traditions and rituals. The first one is always the hardest because it's out of the mold you established as a family. As you develop new traditions, healing comes. "The children are missing the fun times. Give them that gift," said Dr. Post Senning. "The main point is everything changes. Five years later, that father may not be the one whose role it is to establish the traditions in that family. He'll be developing his own traditions. In the first year or two, if he's able to help show respect for mom, it's awesome. But, it's still going to be a little bit up to mom. So, ask the kids, ‘How do we want to do things like Mother's Day and Father's Day?"

9. Show consideration for the former mother-in-law. She may be your ex mother-in-law, but she is still the grandmother of your children. If she had a good relationship with your children before the divorce, consider continuing some of the ways you included each other in this celebration. On the other hand, if she was the mother-in-law from hell and she's bashing you to your kids, you're not required to reach out to her. "You cannot reconstruct extended families after divorce and maintain them in the same way you can in an intact family," Dr. Wallerstein, cautions. "However, grandmothers are often even more important after divorce." So, respect her relationship with your children by not standing in the way if your children want to honor her on Mother's Day.

10. Deal with the "next" in a way that doesn't put the children in the middle. Adultery is the number one reason for divorce. So, if she was the reason the marriage broke up, we know how you feel about the girlfriend. If she's moved in and has an active role in your children's lives, you're in a tough spot when it comes to Mother's Day. If Dad's really moved on and re-married, dealing with the stepmom can require all the manners you've got. "If the kids come home and say we got this great present for the step mom and mom didn't realize the relationship was there, it can be very political and open up some new wounds," said Ellis.

Sometimes, the children will want to make a special gesture. However, if dad wants to require his children to take that on to validate the relationship, that puts pressure on kids. It might be in his interest or the girlfriend or stepmom's interest, but is it in the kid's interest? So, parents need to talk about this in advance. Dr. Wallerstein agrees, "If children have a stepmom and a biological mother who are actively involved in parenting, Mother's Day can be problem. There's no question the priority should be given to the biological mother. On other hand, the stepmom may be very devoted and would be in considerable pain if she's ignored. Meanwhile, there's considerable pain for the mother if the stepmother shares the day. This is one of the inherent conflicts in remarriage. If the two women get along, it's easier. If they're rivals, which they often are because resources are limited or they live in entirely different economic situations, things are complicated. If the women are wise and able to do so, they might have a conversation about this several weeks before about how this day is going to work for the children, especially if they're little."

Using these tips can help you put your best foot forward after divorce. "Even though they're full of emotions and anger, parents don't have the luxury of putting the kids in the middle. You have to be there for them. It's hugely difficult, but, kids can't be the one to carry the load. The good news is many, many people do this very effectively and well. Draw on other family or friends. You don't have to do it alone," said Dr. Post Senning.

–Laurie S. Moison (Hall) has written for newspapers and has authored four books, including An Affair of the Mind. She has lectured nationally on sexuality, forgiveness, ethics and spirituality.

Reprinted with permission from Divorce360. Find more articles on divorce at www.divorce360.com.

Reboot? Retread? Retire?

Fri, 09 May 2008 11:57:45 -0400

The time has come for the word “retire” to retire.

“Retirement” no longer describes the lifestyle most people now leaving career jobs are choosing, say those who ponder the dilemma.

Four in ten members of AARP, the nation’s largest organization of people 50 and older, continue to work, says Harry “Rick” Moody, director of AARP’s Office of Academic Affairs. That statistic became a factor as the 38-million-member organization officially changed its name from American Association of Retired Persons to the acronym itself, making the r-word less prominent. When AARP first began, retirement referred to a more leisurely time of life than prevails today, Moody says. “The time is not what it used to be. It’s very different from the old view of retirement―the golf course and the rocking chair.”

A Merrill Lynch retirement study this year indicates the work-longer trend will grow even more as 78 million baby boomers (now ages 43 to 61) climb the age ladder. Seventy-six percent of boomers plan to continue working in their “retirement” years, the study found. More than half have taken steps to launch a new career or take on a new type of work. Some say they intend to start their own businesses. Some hope to do something new with skills they’ve polished over decades in the workplace. Some want to work for the health insurance. And many people still in the workforce are counting less on traditional sources of support in retirement such as defined benefit plans, Social Security and Medicare.

Old labels don’t work in a changing world, Moody says, and stereotypical images of what older people do and how they look must change, too. Just as no new term for “senior citizen” (not a great favorite, either) has caught on yet, no one has yet come up with the perfect word to replace “retirement.”

Some people have tried. These are among the contenders (cast your vote in our poll):

Refirement: Perhaps the first suggested word to replace “retirement,” this one is the brainchild of Jim Gambone, a Minnesota educator, writer, intergenerational expert and motivational workshop leader, who introduced it in his 2000 book, Refirement: A Boomer’s Guide to Life After 50.

Rewire: Usually posed as “rewiring not retiring,” the phrase has appeared in the mass media.

Reboot: This one flows naturally from our technological age.

Retread: Ditto the above for this term, with a few more miles on it.

Caesura: Pronounced si-ZHOO-ra, this word of Latin derivation is defined as a break or pause in a line of verse or a melody.

Note that “caesura” doesn’t begin with “re,” a big reason why career educator and author Mary Louise Floyd chose it to replace “retirement” in her new book, Retired With Husband: Superwoman’s New Challenge, published this year. The “re” in retirement and other words on the above list, she points out, implies repetition of what was done in the past. “Retirement is a derivative of ‘to retire,’” Floyd says, “which means to withdraw from action, to retreat, to fall back, recede, withdraw from use or service, put out and end.” For too many people, “it implies the end of productivity and involvement, like being put out to pasture,” she said in an interview from her home in Atlanta.

She considers “caesura” a fit for people at age 60 entering what she sees as a “second adulthood,” punctuated with the caesura as they transition from first adulthood. “We are like the line of poetry at its best point—posed at the caesura of life and ready to build on what we’ve done and where we’ve been,” she says.

AARP’s Moody says he thinks the “re” words proposed to replace “retirement” have failed to catch on. “I don’t see them in the New York Times,” he says. What about “caesura”? “I like that,” he says, especially its meaning of “a moment for reassessment, rethinking and repositioning,” rather than a final or permanent decision. “It almost has an analogy with the military,” he says. “Retirement for them is not the same as a surrender.” On the downside, he adds, “It’s hard to pronounce. And it’s Latin and a hard sell.”

Even Floyd, the word’s chief proponent, admits it doesn’t flow well as “caesura-ing.”

America, it seems, is still searching for a new word to reflect retirement's new meaning.

We want to know: Do you have a new name for retirement? Email us.

So You Want to be a Rock Star

Fri, 09 May 2008 11:57:37 -0400

Have you ever noticed that when something repeatedly comes up in your life, you either have to embrace it or take drastic action to avoid it? For me, it's Donny Osmond.

You see, I was given enough DNA to look vaguely like Donny Osmond (that's me, left). Women have been attracted to me because of it, men ask me about my purple socks, and I sometimes get stopped in public for autographs.

Stranger: "Hey, wow, aren't you Donny Osmond?"

Me: "No, I'm not."

Stranger: "Aw c'mon, yes you are."

Me: Sigh.

I once visited the lookout area on the north side of the Golden Gate Bridge, and a woman stopped me to ask if I was His Donniness. When I said I wasn't, she refused to believe me. So I showed her my ID, to which she responded: "You celebrities carry fake ID." I should have showed her my belly. Donny doesn't have a belly. Now there is a point to all this. You see, besides the belly, there is one more difference between me and Donny. He can play a musical instrument, specifically a guitar. So when my editor, Dave Bunnell, asked, "Want to learn how to play the guitar for your next article?" I said, "Hook me up, Jerry!" (Dave once had a Jerry Garcia gray ponytail thing going on.)

So the guitar, called the Fretlight from Optek Music Systems, showed up at my home, and I unpacked it and strummed it smugly. "I can be a little bit rock ‘n roll," I said to my cats. They ignored me.

The Fretlight is a full-on electric guitar, with a twist. It is also computer-enabled, so you can learn to play it easily. Instead of a single cable that goes from the instrument to the practice amplifier, it has two. One goes to the amplifier as expected. The second ends in a USB connector which, if you're a little geeky, you know plugs into a computer.

The guitar comes with software that works on a computer using either Windows XP or Windows Vista. It also works on a Mac which runs the operating system OS X. (An operating system is the programming that runs the computer.) If your Windows or Mac computer is less than five years old, then it's very likely that it uses one of these operating systems.

If this techie stuff feels a bit overwhelming, don't despair. The guitar comes with a really well-designed and easy-to-understand DVD tutorial you can play on your television. The disc shows you how to set up the Fretlight guitar, how to install computer-based lessons on your computer, and how to use some of the included bonus programs to help you develop your rock star skills.

The lessons start with the parts of the guitar, how to hold it, and how to tune it. By lesson 30, you're being taught chord progressions, which are a series of finger placements on the neck that can be played in sequence. (Think Stevie Ray Vaughan's sliding fingers here.)

The big wow factor, however, is a series of lights embedded in the guitar's neck. These are used in the interactive lessons to show you where to put your fingers as you learn to play. This feature is very effective, but it really stands out when you're using a program called the M-Player. This program (which comes on the Fretlight CD with a 15-day trial) teaches you the chords for songs you want to learn. As it plays the song, it lights up the frets (the ridges on the guitar's neck), so you know where to put your fingers.

There's also a tempo control, which allows you to play the song slowly, so you can match your finger placements to the lights at a comfortable speed. The CD comes with several other programs that will enhance your use of your Fretlight guitar. However, they are only 15-day trials, which is a little frustrating.

There are a couple of other downsides. The lesson pack included with the guitar is a bit intimidating. The text is small and dense, and the program design isn't particularly appealing. You'll have to scroll through reams of text to get through a single lesson. The audio samples embedded in the text also require several clicks to get them to play (I discovered this on my Windows Vista computer), which will irritate some and confuse others. A full-on redesign of this software will go a long way to increase its appeal among a non-techie audience. Optek needs to address simplicity of use, create bite-sized lessons, and develop a cleaner design that's easier on bifocal-enhanced eyes.

Shortcomings aside, the Fretlight technology is an ingenious way to learn to play the guitar. If you've ever wanted to indulge your inner Buddy Holly (or Jerry Garcia, Paul McCartney, or whomever you like), then take a good look at the Fretlight technology. You'll need some determination and a bit of computer geekiness to get it to work for you, but I can't think of a better way to learn guitar unless Eddie Van Halen uses your hot tub.

The Fretlight comes in a variety of packages, which can include guitar, cables, software, DVD and various accessories. Pricing runs $449.95 for the acoustic starter kit through $1,049.95 for the PRO Electric package. The software titles and extra lesson packs run between $15.95 and $59.95 each. Songs configured for the M-Player cost $4.99 to $5.99 each. You may also need a practice amplifier. Optek sells those for $129. You can learn more at fretlight.com.

You also get to choose your style of guitars. Choices include acoustic, standard electric, vintage electric, and pro Electric. There's no Donny Osmond kit—but then again, if you are like me, you can buy your own purple socks.

Andy Walker is a contributing editor for ELDR. Visit him at his website, cyberwalker.com.

How to Really Get to Know Your Grandchildren

Fri, 09 May 2008 11:56:08 -0400

When I was a kid, all we had to do was walk across the street to go visit Grandma and Grandpa. In fact, Grandpa had a barber shop on our street where I got my haircut. Grandma enjoyed gardening and cooking, so I could usually find her in the backyard weeding the flower beds or in the kitchen baking a cake. Today, things aren’t always so simple.

We live in a very mobile society, so it’s not uncommon for grandparents like you to be states or countries away from your grandchildren. You may have retired in a distant place, or, perhaps, college or work caused your family to move away from where you live. Or maybe you live close by, but you’d still like to connect in a deeper way.

Here are 3 tips for building a strong bond between you and your grandchildren:

1. Write letters. Letters may have been replaced by email most of the time, but there is still nothing like getting mail in the mailbox for children and teenagers! Send mail regularly that is addressed to each grandchild—once a month would be great. Tell them a story about you when you were little in each letter.

Stories can even start with something like, “Once upon a time, Grandma climbed an apple tree when she was a little girl…” The simple tale you write, about what happened next, can take some twists and turns in the plot and make for great bedtime reading. Be sure to save a copy of the series of handwritten letters you send—they most certainly could become a precious keepsake. Be sure to ask for letters to come back to you—containing your grandchild’s school artwork, that first A of the school year, or a letter in the grandchild’s own handwriting.

2. Take phone conversations to a new level. Instead of the normal everyday small talk on the phone (“How was school?” “What’s the weather like?” “How did you do in soccer?”), don’t hesitate to relate your own life to their lives. Tell them about…..

• your best friend when you were little
• a favorite game you played (marbles, jacks, baseball)
• your neighborhood or life on a farm
• what school was like for you
• playing in the school band or singing in the choir
• sports you played
• a time you got in trouble with your mom and dad
• a motto you live by
• your grandparents (that’s their great-great grandparents!)
• how historical events impacted your life (war, civil rights, elections, etc.)
• ….and much more.

Grandchildren may not initiate these conversations (we wish they would), but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t open to talking about these things. When you tell them a story, they may think of something new to tell you. By starting a deeper discussion, perhaps grandchildren may see you in a new way (you were once a child too after all!) and start to ask more questions and look forward to your talks by phone. You may even want to set a time for your weekly chats. Even if you’re not sure if they are listening or if they care right now, you may be surprised at what they remember someday…and it could impact them years down the road.

3. Plan vacations or long weekends together. This summer we vacationed with the grandparents for one week to Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. They only get to see my children, their grandchildren, every couple of months because we live four hours apart. The trip involved a fast flight and then over 2,000 miles of driving. My son and grandpa actually figured out a way to play baseball in the car! Mom enjoyed the wagon train ride and the wax museum as much as the kids did.

We had plenty of time for storytelling and questions about outhouses, farming, and life before TV. We even learned, for the first time, about a relative named Waldo who had disappeared years ago (now “Where’s Waldo?” has new meaning for my kids). It was unforgettable for all of us—there’s nothing like a crowded minivan and hours of driving to bring a family together!

As you consider how you can connect over long distances with your grandchildren, keep in mind that YOU, as the grandparent, have an important job to do. You are the keeper of your family’s legacy—traditions, stories, memories of people, times, and places that no one but you can share. Don’t leave your legacy to chance. It’s important to be intentional about making this connection, or you and your grandchildren may never know each other in a deeper and lasting way. It’s critical to build relationships to last for generations—and that involves new conversations, telling (and writing down) your life stories, and sharing more than just photo albums.
___________________________________
Beth Sanders is a legacy expert, founder of lifebio.com , and author of the Memory Journal. In 1993, she interviewed her own grandmother and realized that she never knew her as well as she could or should until that day. Her passion for family history and stories has helped thousands to preserve relationships and create a lasting legacy. LifeBio has appeared in the Wall Street Journal, Associated Press stories, the Chicago Tribune, and she has appeared on numerous radio programs including Satellite Sisters, Life Online with Bob Parsons, and Coping with Caregiving. She is married and the mother of two children, ages 11 and 8. For more information visit www.lifebio.com or call 1-866-LIFEBIO.

Movie Review: Into the Wild

Fri, 09 May 2008 11:55:26 -0400

Name of film: Into the Wild

Director: Sean Penn

Lead Actors: Emile Hirsch, Marcia Gay Harden, William Hurt, Jena Malone

Screenplay by: Sean Penn, based on the book by John Krauker. Original score by Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam.

The story: Christopher McCandless graduates from Emory University and gives up all his possessions and money for a life of freedom in Alaska. The film chronicles his adventures along the way and the people whose lives he touches. Divided into sections, the movie jumps forward and
backward to different times in Christopher's life.

Review: This movie is about wasted lives. Christopher is a college graduate who thinks he knows everything there is to know about life, embarking on this trip without telling anyone.He also is not prepared in any way, trusting to luck and other people. He donates all his money to a charity and simply drives off. Of course, he is also punishing his parents for not being perfect.

Christopher tries to emulate his idols of Thoreau, Tolstoy and Jack London by trying to live completely free of society. One has to wonder about the decisions he makes because, in his rebellion against his parents, he hurts them and does not consider the consequences. He also is not prepared to live independently. He has no knowledge of how to make it on his own, trusting to one thin book on wild flora. Many times during this movie I shook my head, thinking how naïve and unprepared he was.

Along the way, Christopher meets many people also living wasted lives. Most heartbreaking is his relationship with Ron Franz, played by Hal Holbrook. Franz treats Christopher like a son, even asking to adopt him before dropping him off for the next part of Christopher's journey. But Christopher breaks his heart.

When Christopher reaches Alaska, you are happy that he has made it, but toward the end the audience realizes that not all dreams are meant to be written about. Christopher's lack of being prepared ends up costing him everything.

For a film advocating Sean Penn's belief in going green, this film should be less tedious and more focused on the story, not five-minute shots of caribou. The audience is torn in different directions, ranging from laughter to sorrow to wonderment to pity.

I left the theater wondering if I did or did not like this movie. In trying to earn an Oscar nomination and get its political message across, the film fails because of the way it drags on. Unfortunately, all gets lost in a disjointed attempt to be an art film.

Why you'd want to see this movie: You should go if you like very long, tedious, sad movies with lots of scenery, including topless ladies and other nudity.

Rating:

- Reviewed by Shirley Hepner, New Fairfield, Connecticut

View the trailer for Into the Wild »

Build Strong Bones With Yoga

Fri, 09 May 2008 11:54:47 -0400

The challenge as we grow older is to exercise in a way that does not contribute to bone fractures or have a negative effect on our joints. The usual forms of weight-bearing high-impact exercise, such as jogging and various other sports, are known to stimulate the cells that build bone. Unfortunately, with the passage of time, such forms of movement often contribute to joint destruction that can result in hip and and knee replacements.

Recent studies report that yoga improves the actual congruence of joints, undoing (reversing) the wear and tear that is responsible for osteoarthritis. Non impact, non weight-bearing exercise, such as swimming, won't wear out your joints, but it won't strengthen your bones, either. The good news is that a balanced yoga practice can give you all the positive benefits of weight-bearing exercise without negative wear and tear on the joints!

Yoga is the ideal exercise prescription for prevention of osteoporosis, for those already at risk, and for bone regeneration. The 206 bones in the human body are living, breathing, changing tissue that requires a steady supply of blood and nutrients and a flow of energy or prana. Yoga postures, besides providing a superior form of weight-bearing exercise that stimulates bones to retain calcium, also help stimulate and distribute the flow of synovial fluid, which lubricates the joints between the bones. Jogging, dancing, weight lifting, racquet sports and other forms of exercise, while strengthening bones, may cause further imbalance in the muscular system. Conversely, yoga postures balance the muscular system while bones are strengthened. When the muscular system is balanced, the skeletal system is brought back into alignment, reducing the risk of wear-and-tear conditions such as osteoarthritis.

Ten Reasons Why Yoga Builds Better Bone Strength at Any Age
1. In yoga, weight is borne through the entire body. In weight-bearing standing poses, inverted poses and partially-inverted poses like Downward Facing-Dog Pose, active backbends, and various arm balances, weight is systematically applied to the bones in the hands, wrists, arms, upper body, neck and head, and feet and legs.

2. Because yoga postures are learned gradually, the weight applied to the bones increases safely and incrementally, as the student becomes stronger and can hold postures for longer periods.

3. While building strength, yoga poses simultaneously promote mobility in the hips and shoulders, remove stiffness in the joints, and bring flexibility to the whole body.

4. Standing poses and other poses that require one to strongly engage the bones and muscles of the legs affect the pelvis and spine. This increases circulation and benefits the health of the whole body.

5. Yoga prevents and can even reverse the most visible and obvious symptom of osteoporosis and aging: the rounding of the spine. Yoga poses encourage concavity of the spine, rather than a convex humped shape. Decreased height is not always the result of bone loss. Years of poor posture and lack of stretching can also make us shorter than we once were. Some height loss results from the shrinking of spaces between vertebral disks, even when bone density is good. Yoga helps keep the space between the vertebrae open, plump and supple.

6. Weight bearing through the arms and upper spine in poses such as Downward-Facing Dog and Handstands and other weight-bearing inversions keep the upper spine strong. Yoga's upper-body weight-bearing poses are particularly beneficial in preventing the hairline fractures in the vertebrae that result in the upper-back curvature common in older people.

7. While other weight-bearing exercises tighten the body and wear out the joints, yoga increases flexibility and "lubricates" the joints by giving them an internal massage.

8. Seated postures help keep our hip joints healthy as they require a wide range of movements that increase mobility.

9. Yoga postures also have a balancing effect on the endocrine glands, which contributes to the formation of strong, healthy bones. Restorative yoga poses such as Supported Legs Up the Wall Pose replenish the adrenal glands, thus reducing stress levels and inhibiting excess calcium secretion. Supported backbends—which can be as mild as restorative poses, such as lying over a bolster, or more intense, such as using a chair or backbender as support— promote deep relaxation and restore the health of the endocrine system.

10. Yoga improves balance and coordination, helping to prevent falls. Agility and flexibility derived from a range of movement help us to maintain our balance and avoid falls.

–Suza Francina,RYT, is a Certified Iyengar yoga instructor and has taught yoga since 1972. She teaches yoga internationally and is the author of The New Yoga for People Over 50 and The New Yoga for Healthy Aging. To learn more, visit her website: www.suzafrancina.com.

And the Winner Is ...

Thu, 08 May 2008 13:45:59 -0400

In our Winter 2007-2008 issue we ran a contest asking the question, "What was your most meaningful vacation?" Grand prize: A weeklong luxury train trip for two, courtesy of our partner GrandLuxe Rail Journeys. Here is the the winning essay by ELDR reader Barbara Feliciano, pictured here with her granddaughter Michelle, age 11, who rode the rails with her this spring.

"The most meaningful vacation that I ever experienced was on November 9, 1987, when for our Honeymoon my new husband took me on a journey to find my Dad. I was born in a small town in Tennessee and this is where we began our search. We found no record but the clerk told me to check with the Property Assessor, who turned out to be my Uncle. We had a very good relationship until his death Septemer 14, 2001, when he passed away, and the next year on September 14 my Daughter passed. I am now raising my granddaughter on only my retirement and it would be so wonderful to take her on this magnificient rail journey to give her a lifetime rememberance of a great vacation spent with her Grandmother."

The New Power Shopper

Thu, 08 May 2008 12:26:32 -0400

Quick—who has more buying power: a 25-year-old college grad making $32,000 a year, with endless school loans and mounting credit card debt, or his retired parents, living comfortably on 401(k)s and a portfolio of smart investments in blue chip stocks?

The answer is a no-brainer, and research proves it. According to U.S. Census statistics, people age 55 and older control 70 percent of the disposable income in the United States. And finally, marketers are waking up.

"Companies are just silly not to market to this age group," says Peter Geisheker, CEO of Geisheker Group Inc., a strategic marketing company in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
In the last two years, marketing to people age 60 and older has increased "at least 10 percent," he says. "Market stats show the large amount of people entering this age group and the amount of disposable income this generation has."

Elders shop for big-ticket items, too—new cars (older people buy more than 40 percent of new cars each year), vacation packages, cruise and plane tickets. And they've embraced Internet shopping, spending more than $7 billion online last year. Frank Yanda, 63, of Iowa, buys online to make life "easier," he says. "I can look at products, pick out what I like and it comes straight to my door."

So, what does the older consumer want? Top of the list: Scam protection. "This generation has been around the block," says Geisheker, which is why strong money-back guarantees and customer testimonials are becoming more common. They also want things they can actually use: cell phones with easy-to-read screens, gadgets with human-sized controls. What they don't want: products that scream "senior." "I like functional things, but I'm not ready to look or feel old yet," says Micki Stewart, age 66, of Fort Myers, Florida. "When I look for things that make my life easy, I'm not going to sacrifice my style."

Businesses are catching on. Elderluxe, a catalogue and Internet company that caters to the older crowd, offers a wide range of upscale products, from ergonomic cookware to yoga gear. "I want to make lives more positive," says Elderluxe founder Pat Conboy. "There are stores for babies, moms, and bass fisherman, but there just wasn't one that squarely looks at this population." This fall, well-known architect and designer Michael Graves will be introducing the Michael Graves Active Living Collection, a line of stylish home products with universal design, including a bath rail with a spot for a cell phone, a high-tech showerhead, and more.

–Valerie Kramer Davis (vkdfreelance.com) is a freelance writer living in Birmingham, Alabama.

Essential Estate Planning Questions

Thu, 08 May 2008 11:51:15 -0400

1. Do you have a Will?
Make sure that you have a valid Will, directing the distribution of your assets upon your death and naming one or more Executors to carry out your wishes. Wills generally have to be signed in the presence of at least two disinterested witnesses—people who are not part of your estate plan. So it's generally not enough to just download a form or print from a software program and sign it yourself.

2. Do you have a Revocable Living Trust?
In many states, it is advisable to put your "who gets what" provisions, and your assets, into a revocable living trust. The successor Trustee named in the Trust document is in charge of (a) managing your assets if you become incapacitated and (b) distributing those assets upon your death. The main advantage of a Trust? It spares your beneficiaries from the expense and delay of a probate proceeding. In California, for example, if you own real property (including your home), or you own other assets exceeding $100,000 in value, a Trust is generally the way to go. (You'll still have a Will, but the Will simply directs the transfer into the Trust following your death any assets you didn't transfer into the Trust during your lifetime.)

3. Who are the beneficiaries of your IRA and retirement plans?
Your Will and Trust generally do not control the distribution of your retirement accounts. When you opened your IRA or enrolled in a pension or retirement plan, you probably designated beneficiaries who would receive those assets in the event of your death. Those beneficiary designations remain in effect even after you sign a Will or Trust. So, to make sure that your beneficiary designations mesh with the wishes contained in your Will or Trust, be sure to review those designations on a regular basis, and certainly whenever you amend your other estate planning documents.

Also, don't forget that distributions from IRAs and retirement plans generally are taxable income—even if the income is paid to your named beneficiary. Keep that in mind as you decide who should inherit these "tax-deferred" assets.

4. Who are the beneficiaries for your life insurance?
Life insurance proceeds are distributed to the beneficiaries named by the owner of the policy in a valid beneficiary designation on file with the insurance company. As is the case with retirement assets, your Will or Trust will not determine who receives the proceeds from a life insurance policy. Here, too, you need to coordinate your beneficiary designation with the rest of your estate planning documents.

Don't forget that the full value of a life insurance policy on your life will be included in your taxable estate if you owned the policy (or had "incidents of ownership" within three years of your death). Beneficiaries of a decedent who owned other assets valued above or even below the current $2,000,000 exemption from federal estate tax may face a rude awakening if the decedent failed to consider the estate tax consequences of owning substantial life insurance coverage.

5. Do any of your bank or brokerage accounts "pay on death" to a designated individual?
Some financial accounts are structured to automatically pay to a named beneficiary upon the death of the accountholder. A decedent's Will or Trust would have no effect on these "pay on death" designations. Be sure to coordinate any such designations with the provisions of your Will or Trust so that your assets are distributed in accordance with your wishes.

6. Do you hold any assets in joint tenancy?
It is common for couples to own their home, checking account and even investment accounts in joint tenancy. In most states, joint tenancy carries with it an automatic survivorship. So, if one spouse or partner dies, the survivor becomes the sole owner of the asset in question. That works well for the survivor, but it doesn't address the question of who should own the asset when the survivor is gone. Joint tenancy ownership also may be inconsistent with the provisions of your Will or Trust—which provisions will have no effect, because the automatic transfer of the property to the surviving joint tenant is controlling.

7. Do you have an advance health care directive or living will?
Remember Karen Ann Quinlan? Maybe not. Remember Terri Schiavo? Probably so. Would you want to be incapacitated in a hospital, with no one knowing your wishes about the nature and extent of care to provide for you? It is extremely important to make those wishes known in writing and to appoint someone to see that your desires are implemented. The typical document for these purposes is known as an Advance Health Care Directive or Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Decisions. Get one, complete it properly, and make sure a copy is readily available.

Is a Living Will enough? That type of document can be helpful in expressing your wishes regarding health care decisions, but it typically does not appoint someone to carry out those wishes. In most states, it's best if someone has the written authority to actually make decisions for you.

8. Are any of your beneficiaries under age 18?
Minors cannot legally inherit assets. If, for example, a child under 18 is the named beneficiary of a retirement plan, the plan administrator typically will insist that a court-supervised guardianship be established—at considerable effort and expense—to receive the bequest on behalf of the child.

Even if the child has attained the age of majority, he or she may be far from mature enough to handle a sizeable inheritance. Another relative generally can be designated as custodian for a minor, but those arrangements typically terminate at age 18 and no later than age 25. For parents and others who want at least part of a child's inheritance managed until an even later age, ongoing trust provisions need to be specified for that beneficiary in a Will or Trust.

9. Do you need more life insurance?
Not everyone needs life insurance. But it can be tremendously helpful in at least two instances. Most importantly, insurance proceeds can replace lost earnings when a working parent dies and his or her contribution to household income ceases, or when a parent working in the home dies and funds are needed to replace, if that's possible, their contribution to the household. Each situation is different, and you need to really think about the financial impact of a family member's death.

Also, life insurance may help pay estate taxes. If you have a taxable estate, payment of those taxes might require the sale of important assets. But if you want to keep those assets intact for your beneficiaries, sufficient life insurance can be a critical source of funds for payment of estate taxes.

How much is enough? Do the math. How much more than the available cash will your successors need to pay the estate taxes? What sort of money would be necessary, on an annual basis, to replace the income or the value of services of a deceased spouse or partner?

10. Are you ready for 2009?
Effective January 1, 2009, the federal estate tax exemption amount is scheduled to rise from $2,000,000 to $3,500,000. This effectively will eliminate estate tax for many more families—especially when you consider that at the beginning of this decade, the exemption amount was only $675,000. Yet many clients still have documents prepared when the exemption amount was at that earlier level, and the planning reflected in those documents may have unintended consequences in light of the $3,500,000 exemption. Don't wait until next January. Make plans now to review your documents and determine whether any changes should be made prior to 2009.

- Burt Levitch, a partner at RMS Law in Beverly Hills, California, is considered one of the most respected estate planning and estate administration experts in the country. His clients include A-list producers, directors, actors, writers and those within the visual arts community such as artists, collectors, gallery owners and museum officials.

Melatonin, Light May Aid People with Alzheimer's

Thu, 08 May 2008 11:50:30 -0400

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - A morning-time dose of bright light coupled with an evening dose of melatonin may help normalize the sleep-wake cycle in elderly adults with Alzheimer's disease, a study suggests.

People with Alzheimer's commonly have disrupted sleep at night and nap frequently during the day, which can keep them from activities and social interactions that could alleviate some of the effects of the disease.

The neurological damage inflicted by Alzheimer's disease appears to contribute to the problem. At the same time, many patients, especially those in nursing homes, have limited exposure to daylight, which further throws off natural sleep-wake rhythms.

In the new study, published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society, researchers looked at whether light therapy—alone or in combination with melatonin supplements—could restore a more natural sleep-wake cycle.

Melatonin is a hormone produced by the brain; it rises at night and falls in the morning, and is thought help regulate sleep-wake rhythms. Synthetic melatonin supplements are a popular over-the-counter remedy for jet lag, insomnia and other sleep problems.

For their study, Dr. Glenna A. Dowling, of the University of California, San Francisco, and her colleagues randomly assigned 50 nursing home patients with Alzheimer's to one of three groups.

In one, patients were given light therapy for one hour, five mornings per week; the light therapy consisted of either natural light alone, or additional artificial light when needed. Patients in the second group received both morning light therapy as well as a dose of melatonin a few hours before bedtime. Those in the third group were exposed to only normal indoor light and were not given melatonin.

Over 10 weeks, the researchers found, the combination of light therapy and melatonin helped curb daytime sleepiness and increase patients' activity during the day. Light therapy alone, however, was ineffective.

It's unclear, Dowling and her colleagues write, whether melatonin alone, or the combination of the supplement with light therapy, yielded the benefits.

They say more research is needed to answer that question, and to determine the best ways to give melatonin and light therapy. As yet, the researchers point out, there are no set standards for the optimal dose range or timing of melatonin therapy, or for the most effective intensity, timing or duration of light therapy.

SOURCE: Journal of the American Geriatrics Society, February 2008.

Combining Internet With Office Visits Cut Heart Attack Risks

Thu, 08 May 2008 11:49:57 -0400

SUNDAY, March 30 (HealthDay News) -- Whether it's done in person or electronically, good doctor-patient communication helps reduce the risk of heart disease, says a Temple University School of Medicine study.

The four-year study included rural and urban patients who were at risk for cardiovascular disease but were otherwise healthy. They were divided into two groups, a control group and a telemedicine group.

Patients in both groups were given a device to measure their blood pressure and a pedometer to record how many steps they took each day, along with advice on exercise and its benefits in preventing heart disease.

The telemedicine patients also used an Internet-based health reporting system to regularly transmit their blood pressure, weight and exercise data to cardiologists, who used the same system to provide feedback and educational information.

Both groups of patients showed significant reductions in blood pressure, lipid levels and cardiovascular disease scores, and were able to walk further distances.

Overall, the results show that good communication—whether it's done in the office or over the Internet—between patients and doctors helps prevent cardiovascular disease, said Alfred Bove, professor emeritus of medicine at Temple's School of Medicine and chief of cardiology at Temple University Hospital.

He noted that telemedicine does have certain advantages.

"With rising health-care costs, a telemedicine system can encourage communication between patients and their doctors with less cost and time commitment than frequent doctor visits," Bove said in a prepared statement.

He believes telemedicine may help underserved patients lower their risk of cardiovascular disease and bridge the "medical divide" between treatment and outcomes for lower- and upper-income patients.

The study was expected to be presented Sunday at the American College of Cardiology annual meeting, in Chicago.

More information

The American Heart Association outlines common cardiovascular diseases.

Movie Review: Young @ Heart

Thu, 08 May 2008 11:49:26 -0400

Name of film: Young @ Heart

Director: Stephen Walker, who also narrates

Cast: Members of the Young @ Heart chorus and musical director Bob Climan

The story: This documentary follows a senior citizens chorus learning new songs to add to their rock, punk and soul music repertoire in preparation for a live concert.

Review: The incongruous idea of septuagenarians and octogenarians singing raucous rock, rap and punk songs might at first glance seem like a novelty, a gimmick good for a passing chuckle and a footnote in the book of Guinness World Records. After all, the youth-obsessed music business considers those over 40 to be dinosaurs. But in the pitch-perfect documentary Young @ Heart—named for the Northampton, Massachusetts, group whose choral endeavors it chronicles—that notion is quite joyously turned on its ear.

British filmmaker Stephen Walker spent several months with the Young @ Heart Chorus as it rehearsed for a May 2006 hometown concert entitled Alive and Well. His cameras captured participants as they tried to master the intricacies of Sonic Youth's "Schizophrenia," James Brown's "I Got You (I Feel Good)," and the 71 repetitions of the word "can" in Alan Toussaint's "Yes We Can Can."

Several seniors in the 26-year-old group prove to be worse studies than others. The members have an average age of 80 and minimum age of 73, with tastes that (some confess) run closer to opera, classical composers and show tunes. But their shared love of music emerges as a constant in the film under Walker's intimate—but not intrusive—direction.

We get to know 83-year-old great-grandmother Dora Morrow; Lenny Fontaine, the designated carpool driver who celebrates his 86^th birthday during filming; vigorous Steve Martin, owner of a caricature-type figurine labeled "Sexy Beast"; and Eileen Hall, 92, for whom singing "keeps your brain going. If you don't use it, you lose it," she reminds.

Then there's Joe Benoit, who remains upbeat and enthusiastic despite a recurrence of cancer. And Bob Salvini and Fred Knittle, whose health problems forced their retirement—but they have been recruited to duet on Coldplay's "Fix You." Knittle, dependent on an oxygen tank but strong of voice, is ever the jokester. He refers to his comeback as not a swan song but an "ugly duck song." He tries to keep the mood light. But it's apparent that he, the increasingly frail Salvini, and Benoit are in precarious health. Whether they'll make it to the concert is a question that looms over the proceedings. This, along with the dwindling rehearsal time to prepare for the concert, infuses the narrative with real drama.

It's a film full of poignant, emotional moments, not the least of which comes as the chorus learns some sad news moments before performing for inmates in a prison yard. In true trouper fashion, they go on—and dazzle. The scene exemplifies the spirit of these singers, underscored again after even more tragic news on the eve of the concert.

However, Walker injects levity throughout via amusing MTV-style music video versions of David Bowie's "Golden Years," the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive," Talking Heads' "Road to Nowhere," and a hospital-set take on The Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated."

Ending on an emotional high note with the "Alive and Well" concert, Young @ Heart is an uplifting tribute to its life-embracing subjects.

Rating:

View the trailer for Young @ Heart »

How to Reduce Your Cancer Risk

Wed, 07 May 2008 00:16:19 -0400

Cancer is complex and tenacious, and thus a multidimensional, varied approach is needed to help defuse its energy. Although genetic factors play a role in some cancers, food and lifestyle choices play a much bigger role.

Only 5 percent of cancer is related to family history, and just because you are genetically predisposed for cancer doesn't mean you have to get cancer. Research tells us as much as 90 percent of all cancers can be prevented.

Download and then print the How to Reduce Your Cancer Risk chart »

"How To Reduce Your Cancer Risk" was written and produced by the editors at ELDR Media and reviewed by ELDR Media's Senior Medical Advisor Dr. Frederic Vagnini (vagnini.com).

It is intended as information only, and not intended as a substitute for advice from your medical professional. Early detection of cancer could save your life, and we urge you to follow your doctor's advice and get all recommended screenings, mammograms, colonoscopies, and other tests.

Information in this poster is based on the following sources:

The World Cancer Research Fund [WCRF] and the American Institute for Cancer Research Report (November, 2007)

Healthy Eating for Life to Treat and Prevent Cancer by Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (2002, John Wiley and Sons, New York)

Alternative Medicine Magazine's Definitive Guide to Cancer: An Integrative Approach to Prevention, Treatment, and Healing (Alternative Medicine Guides) by Lise N. Alschuler and Karolyn A. Gazella (June 2007, Ten Speed Press, Berkeley)

The Secret History of the War on Cancer by Devra Davis (2007, Basic Books, New York)

Exposed: The Toxic Chemistry of Everyday Products by Mark Schapiro (2007, Chelsea Green Publishing, Vermont)

Safe Yoga for Osteoporosis

Wed, 07 May 2008 00:15:18 -0400

If you've been diagnosed with osteoporosis or if you have lost a significant amount of bone mineral density, be sure to inform your teacher about your condition before attending classes. Study with a teacher who understands osteoporosis and who can give you appropriate guidance either privately or within a class setting.

Guidelines and Cautions
1. Avoid high-impact exercise and sudden jerking, rapid movements. High-impact exercise is hard on joints and not recommended for people who already have osteoporosis; balance problems; or knee, ankle, or back problems. High-impact exercise that involves bouncing while stretching, or rapid stretching with poor body alignment, may cause crush fractures of weakened vertebrae and exacerbate existing problems due to osteoporosis and poor posture.

2. Avoid activities that reinforce a rounding of the upper spine or hunched, collapsed positions that exacerbate poor posture. All activities in which the upper body is hunched can intensify the forces that result in vertebral crush fractures. This includes hunching while
attempting to touch your toes in a standing or seated forward bend. It is especially important for men and women at risk for osteoporotic fractures to practice yoga's seated poses with adequate props.

3. Avoid hyperextension of the neck. Do not tilt your head way back. This action can potentially compress the vertebral arteries and interrupt blood flow to the brain, possibly causing fainting or even a stroke. When lying down, place adequate support under your head to keep your forehead level or slightly higher than your chin. A forward-head position and rounded upper back usually precede the vertebral wedge fractures that result in dowager's hump.

4. Avoid poses that bear weight directly on the neck. Weak, porous vertebrae are vulnerable to injury. People at high risk for osteoporosis should practice weight-bearing inverted poses such as Headstand and Shoulderstand only under the guidance of an experienced instructor. If you are new to yoga and have osteoporosis, Headstand and Shoulderstand are not recommended. However, Handstands, Right-Angle Handstands, Dog Poses, and poses that build upper-body strength without
bearing weight on the vulnerable neck vertebrae can be safely learned under the guidance of an instructor.

–Suza Francina,RYT, is a Certified Iyengar yoga instructor and has taught yoga since 1972. She teaches yoga internationally and is the author of The New Yoga for People Over 50 and The New Yoga for Healthy Aging . To learn more, visit her website. www.suzafrancina.com

ELDR Power

Wed, 07 May 2008 00:13:28 -0400

In India, adults who mistreat or neglect their aging parents could go to prison for up to three months. The new law aims to stop the growing problem of elder abuse; in a youthful country where 70 percent of the population is under age 35, older people, once greatly respected, are now often seen as a burden.

This legislation applies to any adult with a parent over age 60, and there is no room for appeal.

Fish, Fruit, Veggies May Lower Dementia Risk

Wed, 07 May 2008 00:13:07 -0400

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - People who eat plenty of fruits, vegetables and fish may have a lower risk of developing dementia than those who are partial to steak and eggs, researchers have reported.

In a study of more than 8,000 older adults, French researchers found that those whose diets were rich in omega-3 fatty acids had a lower risk of developing dementia over the next four years than those with diets low in omega-3.

Omega-3 fats are polyunsaturated fatty acids found largely in oily fish, like salmon and mackerel, as well as certain vegetable oils, including canola, flaxseed and walnut oils.

Conversely, the researchers found an elevated dementia risk among people with diets high in omega-6 fatty acids—polyunsaturated fats found in meat, eggs and a variety of cooking oils, such as safflower, corn and soybean oils.

Fats were not the only dietary component that mattered, though, lead investigator Dr. Pascale Barberger-Gateau, of INSERM U593 and the University Victor Segalen, Bordeaux, and colleagues note. The researchers also found that people who ate fruits and vegetables everyday were 28 percent less likely to develop dementia than those who ate these foods less often.

"We showed that both fruits and vegetables, on the one hand, and fish consumption, on the other hand, had an independent protective effect (on) dementia risk," Barberger-Gateau explained to Reuters Health.

What's more, she told Reuters Health, the findings highlight the potential consequences of eating a lot of omega-6 fats without "counterbalancing" them with omega-3s. Research has long shown that the typical Western diet contains a far higher amount of omega-6 fat than the omega-3 variety.

The current findings, published in the journal Neurology, are based on 8,085 men and women older than 65 who were followed for four years. At the outset, participants were screened to rule out dementia, and completed detailed questionnaires on their diets, health and lifestyle habits.

While both fish intake and overall omega-3 intake, along with fruit and vegetable consumption, were generally linked to dementia risk, there was one exception. People who were genetically predisposed to Alzheimer's disease did not appear to benefit from omega-3 fats.

A particular variant of a gene called apolipoprotein E is linked to higher Alzheimer's risk; study participants who carried this variant did not show a reduced dementia risk from high fish intake. However, the researchers point out, the majority of the population does not carry this gene variant.

According to Barberger-Gateau, there's reason to believe that omega-3 fats, fruits and vegetables all directly influence dementia risk. Omega-3 fats are part of the outer membrane of brain cells, she noted, and they also have anti-inflammatory effects. Chronic low-level inflammation throughout the body is believed to contribute to many diseases, including dementia.

In contrast to omega-3s, omega-6 fats have been shown to promote inflammation.

As for fruits and vegetables, Barberger-Gateau said, they contain antioxidants—like vitamin C, vitamin A precursors and substances called flavonoids—that may help shield brain cells from damage.

"Our results give strong support to the general recommendations for a healthy diet," the researcher said—which includes getting at least five servings of fruits and vegetables per day, eating fish at least once a week and choosing oils like canola, flaxseed and walnut.

The results cannot, however, speak to the issue of fish oil or antioxidant supplements, Barberger-Gateau stressed. These supplements have not yet been shown to offer any protection from dementia, she said.

SOURCE: Neurology, November 13, 2007.

Kicking into High Gear

Wed, 07 May 2008 00:12:31 -0400

To be sure, Bob loves biking—"it's my yoga," he says. But that's not what kept him going on a two-part trek that went first up the East coast from Florida and then from Seattle to Bar Harbor, Maine.

What motivated him was "someone going through chemo, or not having the ability to get out of bed [from ALS]." He rode for hospice to honor not only the caregivers who tended his mother, but all hospice workers. "They are angels," he says.

Bob biked for 117 days, averaging 54 miles a day. A nor'easter in Virginia delayed him a day, but luckily there were no major mishaps—save for a broken wrist from a fall, which he dismisses as "not important." "I didn't even take an aspirin for the first 4,400 miles," he recalls.

At night, Bob posted blogs on his website, 3reasons.org. "I didn't ride solo," he says firmly. "There were hundreds of people on the website riding the journey with me."

Bob made more friends along the way: farmers, fellow bikers, and plenty of curious onlookers. In Washington, D.C., his daughter, Laura, biked with him to Philadelphia to mark her 40th birthday. The two decided to make the trip a total of 6,540 miles—65 for Bob, and 40 for Laura.

Bob wasn't always this passionate about helping others. A self-described workaholic, he suffered chest pains in his 40s because of stress. At 58, he retired as president of Eastern Standard Corporation, a job in which he commuted from his home in Barrington, Illinois to Baltimore. His original retirement dream: He and Anne would buy an RV and hit the road, leaving corporate life far behind.

Then Bob read Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom's story of Morrie Schwartz's long battle with ALS. The book changed him. "I started thinking, what am I doing with the rest of my life, and am I on the right track?" he recalls. And the plan to pedal for a purpose was born.

Today Bob stays busy fund raising. With $375,000 raised so far, he's working with individual and corporate sponsors to reach his goal of $500,000. That's in addition to running his own window-covering business. And he continues to take care of himself:

A survivor of colon cancer, he attends Spinning classes, lifts weights, and watches his diet. "I'm not the greatest fish eater in the world," he admits, "but I know it's good for me." Often he speaks to groups, urging people to "get out of their comfort zone"—even if that means just trying a new grocery store—and find their passion.

"We're all wondering about long life, how you get it," Bob says. "Really, it's all about giving."

Want to help?
Donations to "A Ride for Three Reasons" go to The American Cancer Society, the Les Turner ALS Foundation, and the National Hospice Foundation. Visit 3reasons.org for more info.

Plus!
Check out Bob's list of inspirational reading >>

Like Gold Being Refined

Wed, 07 May 2008 00:12:17 -0400

At 68, with more than 40 top-selling albums, nine books (including a novel), and her own recording label, singer-songwriter Judy Collins has no intention of slowing down. The American folk legend, who rose to fame in the ‘60s and is best known for her 1968 Grammy-winning rendition of Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now," still does 50 to 80 performances a year around the country. She's also writing another book, and she plans to release a new album this summer. "I have half of my life left," she laughs. "Exciting things are in front of me."

It's taken years for Judy, whose legendary eyes inspired Crosby, Stills and Nash's "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" to really feel this way. Although her lovely voice radiates a sweet serenity, her private life has been full of trauma and heartbreak—polio at age 11, a suicide attempt at 14, an alcoholic father, years of drinking and drug abuse (she's been sober for 28 years), a divorce from her college sweetheart, bulimia, bouts of depression, and panic attacks.

Her toughest hurdle came in 1992 with the suicide of her 33-year old son and only child, Clark Taylor. "I was beyond devastation. I wanted to die," she tells me, as we sit in the living room of her four-bedroom New York apartment filled with family photos, glass pieces, and paintings by friends, family, and Judy herself.

But slowly, after years of therapy, meditation, the support of her second husband, Louis, and speaking with others who have lost loved ones, Judy began to find a way out of the darkness that once plagued her. In 2003, she wrote Sanity and Grace, a memoir of her experience "as a witness, attempter, and survivor of suicide." Her most recent book, The Seven T's, guides readers through grieving the loss of a loved one.

Dressed in a black pantsuit, her silver-and-ash hair gathered up to frame her face, Judy talks philosophically about loss in everyone's life, but says what's most important is how we handle it. She speaks enthusiastically about her work as a mental health advocate and the 15 to 20 speeches she gives each year on being a suicide survivor and on suicide prevention. "It's like a whole other career for me," she says. "It's very healing, and it's a way to experience my own recovery with other people talking about their life experiences."

Since her talks and performances keep her almost constantly on the go, Judy says she needs to be extremely self-disciplined. "The voice is the only muscle in the body that does not deteriorate on its own unless it's abused," she says. "If you scream and laugh and drink and smoke and stay up all night and sing incorrectly, it's going to go. But if you don't, you can sing until you fall over."

To keep herself in top form, Judy takes dozens of vitamins and antioxidants a day, including at least 3,000 to 4,000 milligrams of vitamin C, acidophilus, fish and flaxseed oils, an anti-inflammatory, plus homeopathic remedies. She has acupuncture once a month, as well as a monthly vitamin shot, works with a nutritionist, and for a year after her son's suicide had a massage every day. She gets an annual flu shot, and this year, she also went for a pneumonia shot. "I'm on the road so much that I can't afford not to," she says.

The singer also is an avid exerciser. She started working out in her early 20s, though she says it was mainly to be able to sleep—and drink. "I figured if I was exercising and getting fit, I deserved to drink," she laughs.

Now Judy exercises daily to stay fit (she loves to ski) and to fight off depression, since she doesn't want to take medications. She explains, "As a sober person, I don't medicate myself because I have an illness that's treated by abstinence," referring to drugs and alcohol. She has a treadmill and a stationary bike in her bedroom and spends about an hour each day exercising while watching favorite TV shows such as CSI, Public Television, and nature programs. A few days a month, she also does the original Jane Fonda workout.

Even when she's on the road, Judy manages to exercise after a concert or talk. "I run around my hotel room and do my exercise routine, usually before I go to bed," she says. Does exercising at night disturb her sleep? "I sleep like a baby," she replies.

And then there is her meditation. Although she started meditating in her early 20s, following the gurus of the times, it wasn't until her early 40s that Judy discovered the Self-Realization Fellowship [SRF], a practice founded by the Indian yogi Yogananda. "I meditate on a pretty regular basis," says the singer. "Meditation provides an emotional stability that I really need." She also does a lot of reading, writing in her journal, contemplation, and prayer.

In 1999, Judy cofounded her own recording label, Wildflower Records, which is run from an office in her apartment. It produces her own records along with several other artists she has signed. A Judy Collins tribute album, whose guests include Dolly Parton, Jimmy Webb, Leonard Cohen and many others, will be released this spring. In addition, Judy is working on new projects, performing for six weeks until March 1 at the Café Carlyle at New York's Carlyle Hotel. Then she's back on the road to speak in Vancouver, Denver, San Jose, and other cities.

Reflecting on her life, Judy makes it clear that she's looking forward to the years ahead. "Instead of the word aging, I prefer the word refining—like gold being refined," she says. "I intend to keep learning, writing, singing, playing my piano, and reaching out my hand to help others."

Rona Cherry is an award-winning journalist and the former editor-in-chief of several magazines, including Fitness and Golf Digest Woman.

Saving Children for the Price of a Piglet

Fri, 02 May 2008 16:46:23 -0400

"The biggest failure in my life has been retirement," 82-year-old Olga Murray confides. "I'm working harder than I ever did during my 37 years as an attorney with the California State Supreme Court—and I'm not getting paid a nickel. But I have never been happier."

Her new career started in 1984 when, on her first trip to Asia, Olga became captivated by the tiny Himalayan kingdom of Nepal. "I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the land, the exotic surroundings, but most of all by the children," she says. "They were poor beyond anything I had ever experienced—dressed in rags and dirt, malnourished, mostly unschooled, but with an amazing capacity for joy. I thought that for the price of a good haircut, I could make a huge difference in their lives." So she returned to the United States, determined somehow to do just that.

By raiding her own savings and securing donations from friends, she returned to Kathmandu with the means to establish a home for the country's neediest children—street urchins, handicapped kids, orphans, or youngsters who had been abandoned by parents too poor to feed them.

As word spread about her work, generous people worldwide wanted to help. In 1990, two years before she retired, Olga founded a non-profit organization, Nepal Youth Opportunity Foundation [NYOF], and just in time. The children's home, originally for boys, had out of necessity become coed, and was close to overflowing. NYOF rented another house for girls. Both homes provide children with warm beds, hot meals, a safe haven, and security. NYOF offers not only private education, living and medical expenses, but love and personal attention-just as a good parent would do. The kids are nurtured from childhood through college.

Caring for more than 40 rambunctious youngsters and supporting dozens more in school was a formidable task for someone as detail-oriented as Olga. And as she soon discovered, everywhere she turned in Kathmandu, there were even more "opportunities to help."

"I realized that education is the best way to ensure a better life for these children," Olga says, knowing this would become the cornerstone of her work. Over the last 16 years, not only has the number of supported children grown (to 3,000 plus), but so have the ways in which they are helped. In addition to scholarships, NYOF funds the salaries of more than 65 teachers in various poor rural areas of Nepal, as well as teacher training in a country which does not provide it.

Olga's work doesn't stop there. Seven years ago, she discovered that in an area of extreme poverty in remote southwest Nepal, parents sell their daughters to labor recruiters who arrive in villages with cash in hand. The girls, some as young as 7 or 8, are sent to cities where they toil long hours as servants—or worse.

With Olga at the helm, NYOF launched the Indentured Daughters program, which pays parents to keep their daughters at home and in school. In lieu of cash, NYOF offers families a piglet, which they can raise on kitchen scraps and sell, ultimately receiving about as much as they would from their daughter's labor. Olga's nonprofit organization ensures that the girls receive a school uniform, notebooks, pencils, a school bag, a daily snack, and most importantly, a solid education.

"What began as a pilot project with 37 families now includes 2,500 girls," she marvels.

Olga was born in Transylvania in 1925 and came to the United States at age 6. She graduated from Columbia University and attended law school at George Washington University, where she was one of the few female students.

Upon graduating, Olga discovered that no law firm would hire a woman. So she knocked on the door of the California Supreme Court, where she became a research attorney for Chief Justice Phil Gibson. After his retirement, she joined the law staff of Justice Stanley Mosk.

Since her retirement in 1992, Olga divides her time between her homes in Sausalito, California, and Kathmandu, devoting all her energy to helping her children, whom she emails from the States. When she's in Kathmandu, she makes daily visits to the children in the NYOF homes.

Olga is living proof that getting older does not mean slowing down. As she puts it, "A lot of aging is in your mind."

"I'm not that different than I was 25 years ago," she says. "I've stayed active and interested in life. Regular exercise—walking, going to the gym, lifting weights for my knees and back-has helped me stay healthy. I haven't had a cold in 15 years. Also, I'm more positive and more confident than I used to be. I know where I'm going and what I want to do, so I don't get so involved in my own problems."

She adds, "One thing I've learned—compassion, a sense of caring, thinking about the welfare of others-that sort of mental attitude makes you happy."

Her work for the welfare of poor Nepali children gives her life meaning and peace. "My wealthy friends who own huge homes and drive Jaguars and Lexuses often tell me that they envy me. I am fulfilled and happy in what I'm doing."

Marybeth Bond has written eleven award-winning books for National Geographic and Travelers' Tales, most recently 50 Best Girlfriends Getaways, A Woman's World, and Gutsy Women. She has trekked through six continents and more than 70 countries.

Use the News

Fri, 02 May 2008 16:45:21 -0400

Spend some time reading the daily paper, and then see how much you can recall 15 minutes to an hour later. Starting with the front page, try to remember details about each article, including names of people, places, and even numbers.

It may seem difficult at first, but you'll be surprised at how much you recall with practice. If you make this part of your daily routine, you'll find yourself concentrating more on what you read in the first place.

This is great to do on a walk. ELDR Editor-in-Chief Dave Bunnell, above, likes to read The New York Times over tea at Pete's and then practice this exercise on his walk home.

Enjoying the Sunny Side of the Street

Fri, 02 May 2008 16:45:00 -0400

“Older and better” is more than a hopeful cliché, new research shows. As people age, they gain not only more life experience but better emotional balance.

Unlike young people, individuals age 55 and up pay more attention to positive influences than negative ones, studies have shown. Known as the “positivity effect,” that factor offers advantages for personal well-being.

The shift in emotional priorities develops over time, rather than more abruptly during such significant life events as midlife crisis or menopause, a new study has found. “Perhaps it’s the gradual accumulation of life experiences that causes us to change our outlook in this way,” says Michael Kisley, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs who directed the study with Stacy Wood of Scripps College and help from UCCS students.

Study participants ages 18 to 80 viewed dozens of images, including pretty sunsets (considered positive), a man at a computer (neutral) and a car crash (negative) while their brain reactions were being monitored. Participants ages 18 to 25 registered more intense responses to emotionally negative images than to positive ones, suggesting that this may be a natural response for young people. “Some have suggested this serves a protective function for us, helping to keep us aware of potential dangers in our immediate environment,” Kisley says.

That pattern reversed among study participants ages 55 to 80, whose brain wave responses showed a diminished attention to the negative images, as opposed to increased attention to the positive images. It was that change that accounted for the shift. “It’s not necessarily that older adults are paying more attention to positive things,” Kisley says, “but rather that they seem to just be paying less attention to negative ones.”

Previous studies have shown that older adults typically report higher well-being than younger adults, apparently because of growing motivation to optimize social and emotional goals. For example, older adults tend to spend more time and energy nurturing meaningful social relationships than young people do, Kisley says. The new study’s findings have positive implications for older people’s ability to deal with difficulties that often come with aging, such as loss of a spouse or serious health problems.

The study will be reported in the fall 2007 issue of Psychological Science, a psychology journal. Its title: “Looking at the Sunny Side of Life.”

Could there be a lesson here for younger people?

“I certainly think so,” Kisley says. “For whatever reason, many older adults devote less of their brain power to negative things. Call it 'getting old' or call it 'wisdom,' it just seems like a good idea.”

“Music, Music, Music!”

Fri, 02 May 2008 16:44:38 -0400

As a renowned composer, pianist, and music educator (he founded the Robert Pace Method of Keyboard Instruction, used by piano teachers worldwide), Dr. Robert Pace believes in the healing power of music. And he uses it every day at home with his wife Helen, who has Alzheimer’s. “Helen and I start our day with a song, and we have music to pick us up throughout the day,” says Pace, professor emeritus at Teachers College, Columbia University. “We always have a few songs or some music before we go to bed.”

The soothing sounds aren’t just for Helen. “I also go to the piano for at least one half hour each night (it may be 2:00 A.M. before I can get there) and make music just for me,” he explains. “Afterward I feel refreshed, as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.”

What else he does: With over 200 acres of farm land to tend, Dr. Pace copes with his wife’s illness through hard work. “I get on the tractor and mow a field or get on the bulldozer and do some grading. There are trees to saw up for firewood, which is a good activity to keep you in shape.”

What he’s learned: “I feel burnout is essentially a state of mind,” says Dr. Pace. “I need to remain active intellectually and learn new things.” That leads to another challenge: “There is so much to do, but never enough time.”

Learning to Delegate

Fri, 02 May 2008 16:44:19 -0400

As Immediate-Past President of the American Geriatric Society and Chief of Geriatrics and Gerontology at the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha, Nebraska, Dr. Jane Potter gives advice about caring for aging loved ones every day. Her professional expertise doesn’t always help, though, when it comes to caring for her own father, age 89, and her mother, 92. “I do this for a living. I work with families,” she says, aware of the irony. “Even though I could see the same things in our family, it’s not the same.”

Living only a mile and a half away from her parents—both of whom suffer from a variety of health problems—helps take off some of the pressure. Still, “there are stress points,” Potter says. When her father remained in denial after being diagnosed with bladder cancer, Potter worried about how she would get him to his doctor. “I’d wake up at night thinking, “How am I going to do this?” she recalls.

What she did: Potter was spending up to 15 hours a week with her parents, in addition to 50 hours at her job, when she decided to call in reinforcements—namely her five siblings. “These are the times we’re going to need help,” she’d write in specific emails that outlined dates and schedules. “Tell me when you’re going to come.”

The messages worked. Now Potter makes sure she has doctor trips and other appointments taken care of, so she can feel comfortable getting away with her own family. “Sometimes you have to put your foot down and say, I have things covered. I can’t always be the one who’s here.”

What she’s learned: Caregiving can be a burden, but it also brings many joys. “Unless you have the stress, you don’t get the rewards,” Potter says. “The last 10 to 15 years I’ve been very special to my parents, and that feels good.”

Inspired Reading

Thu, 01 May 2008 01:19:29 -0400

As president of a Baltimore-based company, Bob Lee was looking forward to RV retirement: He and his wife Anne would buy a motor home and tour the country, leaving corporate life far behind. Then a few life-changing books threw him a detour. Rather than taking in the sights from behind a steering wheel, Bob decided to hit the road on his bike, covering more than 65,000 miles in an effort to raise money for cancer, ALS, and hospice.

Here are a few of the books that Bob says inspired him. See if they challenge your thinking, too. To learn more about Bob's journey and his fundraising progress, visit his website, 3reasons.org.

Halftime: Changing Your Game Plan
from Success to Significance
by Bob Buford

Tuesdays With Morrie: An Old Man,
a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lessons
by Mitch Albom

Travels with Charlie
by John Steinbeck

Wisdom of the Ages: 60 Days to Enlightenment
by Wayne W. Dyer

It's Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life
by Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins

Chicken Soup for the Soul
by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hanson

Music as Medicine

Thu, 01 May 2008 01:18:20 -0400

SATURDAY, March 22 (HealthDay News) — Almost everyone has used music at one time or another to relax or perhaps to get energized. But the discipline of music therapy takes the use of music much further, from battling depression to combating cancer.

"Music therapy is an evidence-based practice that can affect changes in physical, psychological, social and cognitive domains through music experiences and the relationship that develops between the client and the therapist," said Cheryl Dileo, a professor of music therapy and director of the Arts and Quality of Life Research Center at Temple University in Philadelphia.

Just turning up the radio to your favorite tune to erase a blue mood doesn't qualify as music therapy, Dileo explained. "Self-help through music is not music therapy, although many people do use music for themselves, for example for relaxation to improve their moods, or to accompany exercise."

Music therapy, on the other hand, "involves an interpersonal process through which a trained therapist uses his or her knowledge and skills to address the client's assessed needs and issues," she said. "Although many people understand intuitively how to use music for themselves, when it is used within a music-therapy process by a trained therapist, it can be a powerful means to achieving positive physical, psychological, cognitive and social outcomes."

The uses of music therapy are myriad, according to Dileo. Music therapy can be used to reduce the anxiety of hospital patients undergoing difficult medical procedures. It can help lessen pain and improve mood, she said. Music therapy can also help depressed patients express their feelings.

Music therapy has been used to keep Alzheimer's patients calm and help them improve their memories at the Institute for Music and Neurologic Function at the Beth Abraham Family of Health Services in New York City.

At Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago, board-certified music therapist Elizabeth Pociask uses music therapy to help new parents calm their infants.

"Music is a natural source of distraction. When a child is visibly upset, the introduction of a novel stimulus (turning on some music) will at least temporarily divert their attention away from what is upsetting them," she explained. "The parent's singing voice accomplishes the same thing and adds the element of familiarity—the most comforting sound for an infant will nearly always be a parent's voice. When used regularly, music and/or singing can become a calming ritual, and the infant then learns to associate the music with relaxation or sleep."

Dileo said that music therapists should be board-certified, which means they've attended at least a four-year college program, as well as completed a supervised internship and have passed a national exam.

However, less formal music programs can be helpful as well. Katherine Puckett, national director of mind-body medicine at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, said that while they don't have board-certified music therapists on staff, the centers do use music as a means to help their patients.

"Music can activate the relaxation response, which helps promote deep breathing, lower heart rate, lower blood pressure, ease muscle tension and create less stress. That can help cancer patients sleep better, and difficulty sleeping is a common problem for cancer patients," Puckett said.

"Relaxing the body can also help relieve physical pain, and people may need less pain medication," she added.

The Cancer Treatment Centers of America keep a library of music available for patients to use, and they have special events, such as drumming circles, that help provide an emotional release for their patients, Puckett said. "Some people can release their emotions through talking, but sometimes people need a non-verbal release. We've had people moved to tears in our special events," she said.

"People respond to music—you don't have to be sick to respond to music. It's relaxing, comforting and soothing," Puckett added.

More information

To learn more about music therapy, visit the American Music Therapy Association.

Strong Heart, Muscles, and Mind

Thu, 01 May 2008 01:18:04 -0400

Frank Abercrombie strolls into the gym, carefully eyeing every piece of equipment. He loves this room. In fact, the gentle 100-year-old fitness fanatic would spend all his time here if people didn't hold him back. He'd pump all the iron at least twice a day.

Frank struts toward the dumbbells. He grabs the free weights and curls them like he's Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"Wait, Frank, the news guy isn't set up yet," says Betty Ankrom, fitness director for ACTS' St. Andrews Estates North in Boca Raton, Florida, and his personal trainer.

I'm the "news guy," and about the time I'm taking off my lens cap, Frank has completed a set. His eagerness to sweat doesn't stop just because I'm in the room. It's been more than a week since the humble senior has worked out. He's recovering from shingles, a sickness that would end the life of most people his age. Other than a couple blemishes, there are no apparent signs of a major malady. He's full of youth, it seems.

"I've always been active," he says. "I just feel better after I use a machine or lift weights."

Frank, a retired vice president for a Seattle bank where he worked for 42 years, exercised almost every day for 45 minutes or more until he was 98—when he was forced to slow down. Today, his workout regimen would tire most teenagers. Three times a week, Frank does three sets and various repetitions of 60 pounds on the seated row machine, 50 pounds on the abdominal machine, and 50 pounds on the lat pull down, as well as walking on the treadmill for seven minutes and working the seated stepper (set on level seven) for 30 minutes.

He also walks every morning in his retirement community's courtyard. "But that's not really working out," he boasts. "You need a machine or weights for a real workout."

Betty, who secretly has a crush on Frank (but don't tell anybody), says she's never met a more disciplined senior. "He pushes himself," she says.

Frank's mind is still strong, too. He reads regularly and keeps up with sports. He fondly recalls a time when professional athletes didn't make so much money. "All the money they make has tainted sports," he says. "I prefer the college games these days."

Besides being an avid sports fan, Frank is a world traveler. He and his late wife, Doris, visited every country but five and toured all of the United States and U.S. territories.

"I'm still in love with her," he says. "She was the best person in the world."

Doris and Frank raised two daughters. When asked if he thinks he's stronger than his seven great-grandchildren, he shrugs off the question. Always a gentleman, Frank would never boast that he's better than his own flesh and blood. But if ever there were a family competition, our money would be on him.

Fred Minnick (fredwrite.com) is a freelance writer and photographer based in Louisville, Kentucky.